Big Breasts & Wipe Hips: A Novel

today I’m going to sing a historical song, which I respectfully dedicate to Mayor Ji. I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you. Another deep bow exposed for the second time the two flaps, as ten canaries hopped out onto the stage to sing the opening bars in their lovely voices. The hill mynah began to rock as her voice rose in song:
    In the old society, this is how it was:
A dark, I so dark dry well, deep down in the ground.
Crushing the common folk, women at the bottom,
At the very, very bottom.
In the new society, this is how it is:
A bright, I so bright sun shines down on the peasants.
Women have been freed to stand up,
At the very, very top.
    The song ended amid thundering applause. Lianlian and Jintong sneaked a look at Ji Qiongzhi to gauge her reaction. She sat there calmly, neither clapping nor shouting her approval. Lianlian began to squirm. “What’s with her?” she asked softly, giving him a nudge with her elbow. He shook his head.
    Lianlian cleared her throat to get everyone’s attention. U I now invite our honorable guests to the dining room. Since the Eastern Bird Sanctuary is a new enterprise and has limited funds, we can offer only a modest meal. Our chef has prepared a ‘hundred bird banquet’ in your honor.”
    The pair of avian masters of ceremony rushed up to the microphone to announce in unison, “Hundred bird banquet, hundred bird banquet, delicacies galore. From ostrich to hummingbird. Mallard and blue horse chicken. Red-crested crane and long-tailed turtledove. Bustard and ibis, hawfinch and mandarin duck, pelican and lovebird. Yellow roc, thrush, and woodpecker. Swan, cormorant, flamingo
    Ji Qiongzhi walked out before the mynahs could list all the birds on the menu, her face hard as iron. Her subordinates fell in behind her with demonstrable reluctance. She had no sooner entered her car than Lianlian stomped her foot in anger and cursed, “What a witch! A goddamned deadbeat!”
    The next day, the relevant portions of a meeting of the Municipal Government were sent to Geng Lianlian. “A bird sanctuary?” Ji Qiongzhi was quoted as saying. “They’ll not see a penny of government money as long as I’m mayor of this city!”
    Lianlian giggled at the news. “That old fart. We’ll keep riding the donkey and singing our song, and see what happens.” She then directed Jintong to send the gifts they’d already prepared to the homes of the people who had come to the show, Ji Qiongzhi not included. The gifts included a pound of swallow’s nest and a bouquet of peacock feathers. For the most important visitors — that is, bank managers — an additional pound of swallow’s nest.
    Jintong hesitated. “I… can’t do something like that.”
    Within the space of a second, Lianlian’s gray eyes turned into those of a snake. “Can’t do it,” she said icily. “Then I'm afraid Fll have to ask Uncle to look for work elsewhere. Who knows, maybe that precious teacher of yours will find you an official position somewhere.”
    “We can have Uncle be a gateman or something,” Parrot Han volunteered.
    “Shut your mouth!” Lianlian hissed. “He may be your uncle, but he isn’t mine. I'm not running an old folks’ home here.”
    “I’d advise you not to kill and eat the donkey after the milling’s finished,” Parrot muttered.
    Lianlian flung her coffee cup at Parrot’s head. Yellow rays shot from her eyes, her lips parted savagely, and she said, “Get out of here, get the hell out, both of you! Anger me, and I’ll feed you to the eagles!”
    Feeling his soul fly off in terror, Jintong cupped his hands in front of his chest. “It’s all my fault, Niece, I should die a thousand deaths. I’m not human, I’m the scum of the earth. Don’t take it out on my nephew. I’ll leave. You fed and clothed me, and I’ll pay you back, even if I have to become a garbage collector or scavenge empty bottles for their deposit.”
    “That’s some drive you’ve got,” Lianlian mocked him. “You’re a damned idiot. Anybody who spends his life hanging by his mouth on women’s nipples is lower than a dog. If I’d been you, I’d have hanged myself from a crooked tree long ago. Pastor Malory planted a dragon seed, but all he harvested was a flea. No, you’re no flea. A flea can at least jump high into the air. At best you’re a stinking bedbug, and maybe not even that. You’re like a louse that’s gone hungry for three years!”
    Cupping his hands over his ears, Jintong fled the Eastern