Blue Dahlia

friends. I like him very much. But we don’t sleep together. We’re not, in any way, romantically involved.”
    “Oh.” This time she huffed out a breath. “Oh. Well, I’ve used up my own, so I’ll have to borrow someone else’s foot to stuff in my mouth.”
    “I’m not insulted, I’m flattered. He’s an excellent, specimen. I can’t say I’ve ever thought about him in that way.”
    “Why?”
    Roz poured her coffee while Stella took the sputtering kettle off the burner. “I’ve got ten years on him.”
    “And your point would be?”
    Roz glanced back, a little flicker of surprise running over her face, just ahead of humor. “You’re right. That doesn’t, or shouldn’t, apply. However, I’ve been married twice. One was good, very good. One was bad, very bad. I’m not looking for a man right now. Too damn much trouble. Even when it’s good, they take a lot of time, effort, and energy. I’m enjoying using all that time, effort, and energy on myself.”
    “Do you get lonely?”
    “Yes. Yes, I do. There was a time I didn’t think I’d have the luxury of being lonely. Raising my boys, all the running around, the mayhem, the responsibilities.”
    She glanced around the kitchen, as if surprised to find it quiet, without the noise and debris generated by young boys. “When I’d raised them—not that you’re ever really done, but there’s a point where you have to step back—I thought I wanted to share my life, my home, myself with someone. That was a mistake.” Though her expression stayed easy and pleasant, her tone went hard as granite. “I corrected it.”
    “I can’t imagine being married again. Even a good marriage is a balancing act, isn’t it? Especially when you toss in careers, family.”
    “I never had all of them at once to juggle. When John was alive, it was home, kids, him. I wrapped my life around them. Only wrapped it tighter when it was just me and the boys. I’m not sorry for doing that,” she said after a sip of coffee. “It was the way I wanted things. The business, the career, that started late for me. I admire women who can handle all those balls.”
    “I think I was good at it.” There was a pang at remembering, a sweet little slice in the heart. “It’s exhausting work, but I hope I was good at it. Now? I don’t think I have the skill for it anymore. Being with someone every day, at the end of it.” She shook her head. “I can’t see it. I could always picture Kevin and me, all the steps and stages. I can’t picture anyone else.”
    “Maybe he just hasn’t come into the viewfinder yet.”
    Stella lifted a shoulder in a little shrug. “Maybe. But I could picture you and Logan together.”
    “Really?”
    There was such humor, with a bawdy edge to it, that Stella forgot any sense of awkwardness and just laughed. “Not that way. Or I started to, then engaged the impenetrable mind block. I meant you looked good together. So attractive and easy. I thought it was nice. It’s nice to have someone you can be easy with.”
    “And you and Kevin were easy together.”
    “We were. Sort of flowed on the same current.”
    “I wondered. You don’t wear a wedding ring.”
    “No.” Stella looked at her bare finger. “I took it off about a year ago, when I started dating again. It didn’t seem right to wear it when I was with another man. I don’t feel married anymore. It was gradual, I guess.”
    At the half question, Roz nodded. “Yes, I know.”
    “Somewhere along the line I stopped thinking, What would Kevin say about this. Or, What would Kevin do, or think, or want. So I took off my ring. It was hard. Almost as hard as losing him.”
    “I took mine off on my fortieth birthday,” Roz murmured. “I realized I’d stopped wearing it as a tribute. It had become more of a shield against relationships. So I took it off on that black-letter day,” she said with a half smile. “Because we move on, or we fade away.”
    “I’m too busy to worry about all of this most of the time, and I didn’t mean to get into it now. I only wanted to apologize.”
    “Accepted. I’m going to take my coffee up. I’ll see you in the morning.”
    “All right. Good night.”
    Feeling better, Stella finished making her tea. She would get a good start in the morning, she decided as she carried it upstairs. She’d get a good chunk of the reorganizing done, she’d talk with Harper and Roz about which cuttings should be added to inventory, and she’d find a way to get