Carpe Jugulum

shadows of garden as she came into land.
    “Evening, Mr. Ivy,” she said, leaping off. “Upstairs, is she?”
    “In the barn,” said Ivy, flatly. “The cow kicked her…hard.”
    Granny’s expression stayed impassive.
    “We shall see,” she said, “what may be done.”
    In the barn, one look at Mrs. Patternoster’s face told her how little that might now be. The woman wasn’t a witch, but she knew all the practical midwifery that can be picked up in an isolated village, be it from cows, goats, horses or humans.
    “It’s bad,” she whispered, as Granny looked at the moaning figure on the straw. “I reckon we’ll lose both of them…or maybe just one…”
    There was, if you were listening for it, just the suggestion of a question in that sentence. Granny focused her mind.
    “It’s a boy,” she said.
    Mrs. Patternoster didn’t bother to wonder how Granny knew, but her expression indicated that a little more weight had been added to a burden.
    “I’d better go and put it to John Ivy, then,” she said.
    She’d barely moved before Granny Weatherwax’s hand locked on her arm.
    “He’s no part in this,” she said.
    “But after all, he is the—”
    “He’s no part in this.”
    Mrs. Patternoster looked into the blue stare and knew two things. One was that Mr. Ivy had no part in this, and the other was that anything that happened in this barn was never, ever, going to be mentioned again.
    “I think I can bring ’em to mind,” said Granny, letting go and rolling up her sleeves. “Pleasant couple, as I recall. He’s a good husband, by all accounts.” She poured warm water from its jug into the bowl that the midwife had set up on a manger.
    Mrs. Patternoster nodded.
    “Of course, it’s difficult for a man working these steep lands alone,” Granny went on, washing her hands. Mrs. Patternoster nodded again, mournfully.
    “Well, I reckon you should take him into the cottage, Mrs. Patternoster, and make him a cup of tea,” Granny commanded. “You can tell him I’m doing all I can.”
    This time the midwife nodded gratefully.
    When she had fled, Granny laid a hand on Mrs. Ivy’s damp forehead.
    “Well now, Florence Ivy,” she said, “let us see what might be done. But first of all…no pain…”
    As she moved her head she caught sight of the moon through the unglazed window. Between the light and the dark…well, sometimes that’s where you had to be.
    I NDEED .
    Granny didn’t bother to turn around.
    “I thought you’d be here,” she said, as she knelt down in the straw.
    W HERE ELSE ? said Death.
    “Do you know who you’re here for?”
    T HAT IS NOT MY CHOICE . O N THE VERY EDGE YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND SOME UNCERTAINTY .
    Granny felt the words in her head for several seconds, like little melting cubes of ice. On the very, very edge, then, there had to be…judgment.
    “There’s too much damage here,” she said, at last. “Too much.”
    A few minutes later she felt the life stream past her. Death had the decency to leave without a word.
    When Mrs. Patternoster tremulously knocked on the door and pushed it open, Granny was in the cow’s stall. The midwife saw her stand up holding a piece of thorn.
    “Been in the beast’s leg all day,” she said. “No wonder it was fretful. Try and make sure he doesn’t kill the cow, you understand? They’ll need it.”
    Mrs. Patternoster glanced down at the rolled-up blanket in the straw. Granny had tactfully placed it out of sight of Mrs. Ivy, who was sleeping now.
    “I’ll tell him,” said Granny, brushing off her dress. “As for her, well, she’s strong and young and you know what to do. You keep an eye on her, and me or Nanny Ogg will drop in when we can. If she’s up to it, they may need a wet nurse up at the castle, and that may be good for everyone.”
    It was doubtful that anyone in Slice would defy Granny Weatherwax, but Granny saw the faintest gray shadow of disapproval in the midwife’s expression.
    “You still reckon I should’ve asked Mr. Ivy?” she said.
    “That’s what I would have done…” the woman mumbled.
    “You don’t like him? You think he’s a bad man?” said Granny. adjusting her hat pins.
    “No!”
    “Then what’s he ever done to me , that I should hurt him so?”

Agnes had to run to keep up. Nanny Ogg, when roused, could move as though powered by pistons.
    “But we get a lot of priests up here, Nanny!”
    “Not like the Omnians!” snapped Nanny. “We had ’em up here last year. A