Creature Discomforts

“Quint and I could never see that he had any causes he really cared about, I mean, for their own sake. His whole life was like a reaction against anything someone else gave a damn about.”
    “It wasn’t so much that, Effie,” Quint said. “He was a crank. He couldn’t just accept that a good idea was a good idea. He always had to see some dark scheme surrounding things. If something seemed good, he had a kind of compulsion to go ferreting around to find out what was bad about it.”
    “Mr. Axelrod was always writing letters to the papers,” Tiffany informed me. “And they got published, too! Like, he wanted the park to close the road to the top of Cadillac Mountain, which is like maybe the most popular place in the entire park, the top of Cadillac.”
    “You see?” Effie cut in. “The tourists love it, so Axelrod wanted to close it down.”
    “Not close down the summit,” Quint clarified. “Close the road to traffic. People could still hike up. Or bike. Ski. That’s different. And it’s not such a bad idea.”
    “Oh, admittedly, Quint,” his wife said, “overuse is a tremendous problem. Three million visitors a year, and practically all of them pollute the air with their infernal combustion engines driving to the top of Cadillac and the Thunder Hole and Otter Cliffs without ever getting out of their cars. But the realistic way to address the problem is collective action, public education, raising money for conservation, like the Pine Tree Foundation, and preservation of what’s left, the way we do here. It isn’t writing crazy letters all on your own about banning cars from Cadillac.”
    “Nobody ever answered your question,” Tiffany said to me. “What the foundation does is to let people invest their money in a way that benefits the environment. The investors put their money in the foundation, and the foundation reinvests in environmental concerns and makes grants to conservation groups. And then it pays the investors back, just like a bank, only with a lot higher interest.”
    “Malcolm is the founder,” Quint said. “And C.E.O. Malcolm Fairley. You probably know that.”
    “Yes, of course,” I said as knowingly as I could. Then I turned my attention to the clams. Steamers are disgusting only if you’re used to cherrystones, littlenecks, and other kinds of quahogs. With steamers, you remove the clam from the soft shell and then peel an icky-looking membrane off the neck before dipping the clam first in clam broth, then in butter, then into your mouth. Steamers have big, squishy, creamy bellies and chewy necks. Eating steamers keeps you busy enough to explain any lack of full participation in conversation.
    “What’s special,” said Effie, tossing a superior glance toward her husband and Tiffany, “is that besides having investors and grantees, the Pine Tree Foundation also has donors—benefactors, they’re called—which is what makes a lot of the grants possible and makes the foundation such an attractive investment. So, the investors—like the people here, some of them, and lots of others—can put their money in the foundation instead of in stocks or bonds or whatever, and do very, very well, and benefit the environment, all at the same time. It’s a perfect example, actually, of what I meant about Norman Axelrod. He saw everyone and everything around him benefitting from the foundation. He even knew the people, like Malcolm—everyone knows Malcolm Fairley—and knew that they were committed to Acadia and to preserving the island and to keeping Maine green and all the rest. Everyone else knows what a good thing the foundation is for everyone! It’s obvious! So, naturally, Norman Axelrod wouldn’t have anything to do with it and didn’t have one good word to say about it.”
    “Cutting his own throat,” Quint remarked.
    “Quint! Now look who’s using the wrong—”
    “Sorry,” Quint said. “What I meant was he could see for himself that the investors had done very well. My aunt, for example. Gabbi was one of the initial investors, and she did so well that she keeps reinvesting, and so do plenty of other people. So Norman Axelrod knew what a good investment the foundation was, and he still turned down the opportunity. Just to be oppositional.”
    I tried to speak in a tone that was half statement and half question. “But he and Gabrielle stayed friends...?”
    “Oh, that’s Gabbi.” Effie said it affectionately. “If you want an extreme case in