Death Before Facebook

you?”
You’re going to buy a house in Malibu and marry Sharon Stone.
    “Of course I am. Don’t you understand that? I’m going to do this exactly two years and then cash out. By then, everybody in town’ll probably know how to do it anyway.”
    You never had any intention of moving here.
    But he said, “So when I’m there, there’s a much greater likelihood I’ll stay. I mean, that I’ll be able to stay.”
    “I guess I should say congratulations.”
    “I was kind of hoping for that.”
    “I’m finding this a little hard to adjust to.”
    “Why? It’s only for a couple of years. I’m coming. Don’t worry, that place is home to me now. A lot more than L.A. More than L.A. ever was.”
    “But you’re there and not here.” She realized how whiny her voice had become.
    “Have you got your period or something?”
    “What?” He’d never spoken to her like that. Never.
    “You don’t sound like yourself at all. Look, let’s change the subject. How’s life with the no-neck rug rats?”
    “Shit!”
    “What?”
    “Steve, I’ve got to go.”
    She hung up on him, something else she’d never done—to him or anyone.
    He’d try to call back, of course. The thing to do was leave the phone off the hook. Or better yet…
    Before she realized what she’d done, she dialed Darryl’s number.
    A moment later, she was holding a dead receiver, glad he hadn’t answered, knowing she should call Steve back, but not wanting to talk to him.
    What’s wrong with me?
    Suddenly Steve couldn’t do anything right in her eyes. Even without Cindy Lou to tell her, she knew she was acting dumb. This was about her, not him.
    But what part of her? The part that was disappointed in Steve? The part that, deep down, still didn’t trust him?
    Or the part that was wildly, irrationally attracted to Darryl?
    And which came first?
    If she didn’t know, she didn’t know how she could tell Steve. She unplugged the phone, aware she was acting like a baby. Absolutely unable to do otherwise.
    * * *
     
    Lenore thought she was going to scream soon. Caitlin had turned into a wild energy machine sometime that afternoon. She had been throwing things for the last two hours—some, simply household items, some her eating utensils, and some her food, pea by pea. Lenore had let her do it at first, thinking she’d work off the energy soon, and then had tried to make her stop, but that had involved crying and flailing that she couldn’t cope with right now, and so she had gone back to letting her do it.
    Had the kid managed to eat enough food to survive until morning? Or should she keep trying to get her to eat?
    I don’t care. I don’t care about anything! I just want to lie down and cry.
    She was having an extreme reaction to her old music teacher’s death—at least it seemed extreme to her. She hadn’t realized she had cared so much about Mrs. Julian, certainly couldn’t have predicted that the death of someone she hadn’t seen in years, except at Geoff’s funeral, could have such an effect on her.
    It must be because it came on top of Geoff’s death. Or maybe because I did see her. It was so awful, realizing she’d lost it.
    She thought it might symbolize something to her—something like the dark night of the soul. The void, the abyss, chaos—something she couldn’t quite comprehend but that scared her to death.
    I need to do magic. A spell for solace and serenity. I need to get myself together.
    But how can you get yourself together when you’re tattered? You can’t heal yourself when you don’t have the energy even to run a fever.
    Caitlin tossed a cup, which shattered on the floor.
    “Caitlin, goddamn you! Can’t you give me a moment’s peace?” She was shocked at the sound of her voice. The neighbors had probably heard her.
    Caitlin, obviously shocked as well, simply stared for a second. Her little lips made a perfect O. And then her lovely face turned into a writhing mask of ugliness. Sound spilled out of her that could be heard, not only next door, but down the block.
    Lenore lowered her voice and sugared it. “Caitlin, I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to shout.” She grabbed for the screaming child, full of remorse, but Caitlin flailed at her.
    “Stop it! Stop it goddammit! I’m sorry.” Without thinking about it she flailed back, striking Caitlin’s cheek with a sound like something cracking.
    “Oh, Caitlin. Omigod, I’m so sorry. What happened to me?” She had to hold Caitlin’s arms to get