Facade

moment Jonas thought Nicky would be coming back with a handful of rubbers, but then it dawned on him that he must have said something wrong. A Façade
    185
    little hesitantly, Jonas followed Nicky’s trail and walked upstairs only find their bedroom door locked.
    “Nicky, open the door.”
    “Go away.”
    Jonas could tell Nicky was just inside in the door. “Let’s talk about this, baby?”
    “Go. Away.” This time Nicky’s voice was more insistent.
    Jonas was used to Nicky’s tantrums, but they were rarely, if ever, directed at him. Jonas placed his hand against the door and listened for anything going on inside. It was eerily quiet, and that worried Jonas more than a noisy tantrum would have. He had to stand face to face with Nicky and judge his expression. Only then could he leave him alone; not like this when there were numerous sharp objects inside the room and Jonas had no idea what Nicky was capable of. Jonas tried to listen some more, and when it stayed quiet, he took a few steps back and pushed his shoulder into the door. It took another attempt before it gave way. Once Jonas was inside Nicky’s rooms, the blunt pain in his upper arm made itself apparent.
    Rubbing his shoulder, he turned on the light in the darkened room and realized Nicky wasn’t there.
    “Nick? Baby, where are you?”
    No answer. All sorts of doom scenarios were running through Jonas’s head, from Nicky jumping out the window to Nicky hanging himself in his closet. Jonas ran into the bathroom first, since it was the place Nicky always retreated to when he ran away. This time it was empty. Back inside the room, Jonas saw the windows were shut, so he briskly walked into the bedroom and could only just make out a lump on the bed.
    “What part of ‘Go away’ don’t you understand?” the lump said.
    Although Nicky was still cross, Jonas was happy to see he seemed all right. He knew he had to tread lightly since he was still at risk of being thrown out again and wanted to get to the bottom of this before that happened. “I’ll leave if you tell me what’s wrong.” 186
    Zahra
    Owens
    Nicky didn’t answer.
    “I need to know if you just need some time alone, and that you won’t hurt yourself in some fit of—” Jonas stopped himself from saying what he thought. He knew it wouldn’t get them anywhere if he lost his temper.
    “What could possibly be wrong?” Nicky said in the high-and-mighty tone of voice Jonas hadn’t heard much of since they first got together. “I haven’t had a holiday in months. I barely sleep. I have a bunch of morons working for me who can’t even get a tiny shop ready on time, and the fashion press is having me for breakfast, lunch and dinner and I don’t mean they’re feasting on my new line.
    They are tearing it to pieces on their ridiculously glossy pages and telling me I’ve lost my touch!”
    Jonas couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t that he was happy his lover was cracking under the pressure, but he was happy it was just that: pressure and stress, not something more substantial like “I’ve fallen out of love with you” or “I have a horribly disfiguring disease.” At least the darkness of the room hid his expression.
    “Oh, and I have a lover who can’t stand me touching him.” There it was.
    “It’s not that, Nicky.”
    “You mean there’s more?” Nicky sounded calmer now, as if he would listen to reason.
    Jonas sat down on the bed next to the lump of duvet where he knew Nicky was hiding. “Despite all your tantrums and antics, I love you. And I know that when you get horny and hungry, you don’t care about precautions. I also know that you would regret not taking care later, so I thought I’d do it for you. Because I care for you and I figured I’d spare you the feelings of guilt afterward.”
    “So you still love me?” Nicky asked with the tiniest of voices.
    “Of course I do.”
    A hand crawled from underneath the duvet toward him, and a little later, Nicky’s head appeared as well. “I’m such a—” Façade
    187
    “Moron?” Jonas suggested, using one of Nicky’s words of the moment.
    “No,” Nicky answered, sounding slightly hurt, but not much.
    “I was thinking about ‘loser’.”
    Jonas took Nicky’s hand in his. “You’re not a loser.”
    “But I could have lost you. I behaved like a spoiled brat and I know how much you loathe me acting out like that.” Jonas cocked his head. “Yeah, because I think you’re so much better than that.