Gunmetal Magic: A Novel in the World of Kate Daniels

night. Olive mud streaks marked my ankles in two smudged rings.
    Fear curled in the pit of my stomach, scratching at my insides with icy claws. I wanted to crawl out of my bed, tiptoe across the room, and slide under the blanket with him. He would put his arm around me, and I would lay safe, wrapped in him, breathing in his scent. It would be only an illusion of safety, but I wanted it so, so badly.
    I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to give my body to any gods. For the first time in my twenty-eight years I was truly living. I wanted to love and to be loved in return. I wanted happiness, and family, and children. I wanted a long life and I wanted Raphael to live it with me. I was terrified that I would fail and little Brandy would pay for my mistakes. Fear gripped me, making it hard to breathe.
    I couldn’t tell Raphael. He would throw his life away to save me.
    I was so scared, and I lay there paralyzed, unable to think of anything but Raphael’s heart dripping blood into the Nile.
    I crawled out of bed, wrapped my sheet around me, walked across the floor, and crouched by him. “Raphael. Raphael…Wake up.”
    His eyes opened, so blue. He reached out and pulled me down next to him, curving his body around mine.
    “Raphael…”
    He pulled me closer.
    The heat radiating from his chest burned my back. “Raphael…”
    “Just lay with me,” he said.
    I shut up, stretched against him, trying to banish the gaping hole inside my chest. We didn’t have much time. We didn’t have any time at all. I cradled that knot of pain and he pulled me close.
    If Anapa could invade my dreams and steal children out ofthe Keep, there was no telling what else he could do. I had to be careful, because Raphael could die. He could die tonight, tomorrow, the next day, all because a god wanted my body. I had to keep him alive. I would do anything. I would give anything to keep him breathing.
    He kissed my neck. It sent an electric shiver down my spine.
    “Mmm,” he said.
    I curled into a tiny ball.
    He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me. “What is it?”
    “You wanted to know why I didn’t call you while I was in the Order,” I said.
    “It isn’t important.”
    “It is. When I woke up after Erra burned, my advocate was there. He took me to my apartment and there were two knights with him. They waited outside. Inside he told me that anyone I contacted while in the Order’s custody would come under scrutiny. They would listen in on my calls. Kate has a secret. She trusted me with it and I had an obligation to keep it hidden. I realized then that I had to stay away from her. If she said the wrong thing or, worse, decided to track me down and rescue me, the Order would dig up her past. I couldn’t speak to her.”
    “I understand Kate.” He kissed me again. “But why didn’t you call me?”
    “Because I was scared,” I whispered. “My only friend was out of the picture, my mother couldn’t help me, and I was all alone. You were all I had left. I was afraid that I would call you and you’d tell me we were done. They put a phone in my room so the temptation to call would be always there. So now you know my dirty secret. I’m a coward.”
    Raphael turned me over and looked at me, his face close to mine. “You and I will never be done. You’re my mate.”
    He kissed the corner of my mouth. I almost cried.
    “I stopped sleeping since you left,” he said. “I’ll sleep for a couple of hours, wake up, you’re not there.”
    I closed my eyes.
    “I need an answer, Andrea,” he said.
    “An answer?”
    “Mate. Yes or no.”
    “Do you need to ask?” I whispered. “You’re my mate.”
    “If you choose to leave, I will go with you,” he said.
    I opened my eyes.
    “Unless you’re just itching to take Curran on,” he said. “I suppose we could fight him. We’d lose, but it would be fun while it lasted.”
    Silly bouda. I hugged him, sliding under him, the weight of his muscular body a reassuring pressure on me. His eyes were so blue. I kissed him, letting his taste wash over my tongue. Every muscle in me shivered in anticipation. “A smelly, stupid bouda once told me that if you make your mate choose between you and his family, you’re not worthy of his loyalty. I wouldn’t do it to you, Raphael. I love you.”
    He licked me, nipping on my lower lip. He caressed me. His hand slipped down, stroking, pushing my thighs open. His scent washed over me, and for once, instead of making me hurt in