Island of the Sequined Love Nun

lesbian matron, and faking menstrual cramps would only get him sent to the clinic with a Midol IV, but strangely enough, as he was acting out the gratuitous shower scene, his plan burst forth: soap-slathered, silicone-enhanced, and in total defiance of time, gravity, and natural proportion…
    The shower drain opened directly onto the coral gravel below.
    He could see it down there, the ground, and a small hermit crab scuttling to escape the soapy water. He'd lost weight, but not enough to slide down the drain. The entire bottom of the shower was no more than a tray of galvanized metal. He bent, grasped the edge, and lifted. It didn't come free, but it moved. A little time, a little patience, and he'd have it free. Planning and patience. Those were the keys to a successful escape.
    So he could get out of the bungalow without being seen. The next obstacle would be the fence.
    Tuck found out early on that the fence around the compound was electrified. He'd found a rooster stuck to the wires, doing a convulsive imitation of the funky chicken while its feathers smoldered and sparks shot from its grounded foot. Satisfying as the discovery was, Tuck realized that there would be no going over the fence, and the gate to the airfield was locked with a massive chain and padlock. The only way past the fence was around it, and the only place to get around it was at the beach. Sure, he could swim out and come in farther down the beach, but how far did the minefield extend? He began testing it by hitting rocks into the minefield with his seven iron under the auspices of practicing his swing. He managed to produce several impressive craters and scare the guards with the explosion before finding the edge of the minefield some fifty yards down the beach. He decided to risk it.
    He picked up a coconut on his way back to the bungalow, then climbed into bed and waited for darkness to fall.
    After the sun set and the three-quarter moon rose, Tuck waited for the guard to peek through the window, then as he heard him crunch away, began building the decoy (a trick he learned from Falling Fingers: Leper Bimbos Behind Bars II). Two pillows and a coconut head made for a reasonable likeness, especially when viewed by moonlight through mosquito netting. He slipped out of bed and crawled below window level to the bathroom, where he had left his mask, fins, and a candle.
    He shoved a towel under the door to keep the light from leaking out, then lit the candle and began working the metal shower tray out of its frame. After five minutes of tugging, stopping for a moment when he heard the guard's boots crunching outside, he released the shower tray and leaned it up on its side.
    Tuck blew out the candle and dropped to gravel four feet below, then reached back and pulled his fins and mask through the opening. The coral gravel felt like broken glass on his tender feet, but he decided to endure the pain rather than risk the noise of shoes. Tuck heard the guard coming again and dropped to the ground where he could look out under the bungalow into the courtyard.
    The guard thumped up the steps, paused as he looked through the window, then, satisfied that Tucker was asleep, walked across the compound to the guards' quarters and sat in a folding chair outside the door.
    Tuck checked behind him, then scrambled out of the crawl space into the grove of coconut palms. He paused and caught his breath, then planned his path to the beach. He would have to cover fifty yards between his bungalow and the clinic, fifty yards that weren't completely open but visible from where the guard sat. Pie could hop from tree to tree, but if the guard happened to be looking that way, he was done.
    A lizard scampered up the tree he was leaning on and Tuck felt his heart stop. What was he thinking? There could be scorpions out here, sharks and barracudas and other creepy stuff in the dark ocean. And what happened when he got to the other side of the fence? More sand and scorpions and possibly hostile natives. He was waiting, thinking about how easy it would be to crawl back through the shower and go to bed, when a lighter flared across the compound and he saw the guard's face illuminated orange, and Tuck bolted for the rear of the clinic building, hoping the lighter would blind the guard long enough for him to cover the fifty yards.
    Halfway across, he dropped a fin, then fell to the ground beside it and looked up. The guard was smoking peacefully, watching blue streams of smoke