Love Means Courage - Andrew Grey

to start dinner.” She looked at Cliff. “I bet he and Geoff haven’t had a decent meal in weeks. Please join us.”
    “Thank you.”
“Janelle, why don’t you give me a hand?” Len watched as Janelle plastered a smile onto her face and followed Mari into the kitchen. “Wen!” Small feet raced across the room before Geoff launched himself onto Len’s lap. “Hos.” He held out the plastic horse for Len to see. “Hos.”
    “That’s a nice horse. It looks like Misty, doesn’t it?” Geoff nodded vigorously and hugged Len around the neck before climbing down, racing away into the kitchen.
    “Aun’ Mawi, Aun’ ’Nell. Hos, hos.”
Len felt sort of out of place with Cliff’s family and didn’t know what to do. It looked to Len like Cliff felt the same way as he 88 Andrew Grey
sat quietly in his chair, looking down at the beer in his hand.
    They ate quietly at the kitchen table with Mari, Cliff, and Dan carrying most of the conversation. Len joined in occasionally, with Janelle sitting next to him—either glaring at her brother or talking softly to Len. As the meal progressed, their conversation lightened up, and thankfully, some of the tension dissipated.
    After dinner, Janelle asked Len to walk her to her car, and Cliff’s other sisters left as well. After saying good night, he closed Janelle’s door, and she pulled away.
    “She really seems to like you.”
Len turned around and looked at Cliff. “We’re just friends.”
“I think she thinks there’s more to it than that.” He could hear the slight protective tone in Cliff’s voice. “She may be a pain, but she’s my sister.”
    “I know, and I’m not trying to hurt her, but we could never be more than friends. And I’ve never led her to believe otherwise. We talk and occasionally go out to dinner, but I’ve never touched her or even kissed her.” Len suppressed a shudder.

    “Oh. Is there something wrong? Because she really seems to like you.”

    “Well, kinda, I guess.” Len ran his hand along the back of his neck. This was one of those man-or-mouse moments, and Len had to choose. “Cliff, I’m gay.”

    Len waited to see how Cliff would react. Would he fire him on the spot and kick him off the property? Would he hit him? Would he repeat what he’d done in high school and kiss him? He stared at Cliff, waiting for some sort of reaction.
    “Oh, um, ah—I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cliff turned and walked 89
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back into the house, the door closing quietly behind him.
    Len blinked and stared at the closed door. Cliff just walking away was the last thing he expected. In a sort of daze, Len turned around and walked to his car, driving home without really remembering anything.
    90

    Andrew Grey
    THREE days. Len’s alarm woke him, and he automatically got out of bed. Three days—that’s how long it had been since he’d told Cliff he was gay. Three days of Cliff avoiding him, staying in the house and not coming out, not even acknowledging him. He could take that, but it was also three days since Cliff had let Geoff outside, at least while he was there. No visits to let him see the horses, nothing.
    Len was completely at a loss for what to do. Part of him said to just keep his head low and work, but he’d done that before. Hell, he’d done that most of his life.

    Putting his feet on the floor, he padded to the bathroom for his morning routine before getting dressed. Opening his bedroom door, he quietly walked to the small kitchen, surprised to see his mother sitting at the table. “What are you doing up so early.”

    “I wanted to talk to you.” She pushed back the chair and Len sat down. “I feel responsible for how you’re feeling.” Len poured a mug of coffee from the percolator sitting on the 91
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table. “Why?”
    “I feel like I pushed you into telling Cliff with my advice.” Len slipped his hand over hers. “No. You were right. I may lose my job and someone I was coming to regard as a friend, but you were right nonetheless.” He patted her hand and got up, getting himself something to eat. “I just couldn’t live a lie any more.” He opened the refrigerator and got out the milk for cereal, and then he got a bowl out of the cupboard and poured a big helping of cornflakes. “I’m not the first to feel this way and I won’t be the last.
    Tim told me once that coming out was good, but it came at a cost, and now I see what he meant.” Len poured the milk and began to