Nightside 11 - A Hard Days Knight

Dinosaurs. Genetically modified, miniaturised dinosaurs for people who will buy anything. Their window display consisted of a playpen full of miniature mammoths, chirping cheerfully together, and a large metal cage full of one-foot-high Tyrannosaurus rex , shoving and snapping at each other like vicious puppies. Suzie bent over and tapped on the window to get their attention, making ooh and aww noises.
    “We are not getting a pet,” I said firmly. “You know very well you’d never walk it, and I’d end up having to look after it. Besides, you never know how big they’d be when they grow up.”
    We moved over to stand before the heavily reinforced steel door that was the only entrance to the Fortress. It was, as always, quite definitely shut. You couldn’t blast through that door with a bazooka, and people have tried. Cameras set all round the door whirred loudly as they turned to focus on Suzie and me. I stepped forward and smiled pleasantly into the main security camera.
    “Hi!” I said cheerfully. “You know who we are, and you know what we’ll do if you don’t open up. We are not here to cause trouble, for once; we only want to talk to someone. So be a good chap and let us in before Suzie starts feeling unappreciated and does something unfortunate.”
    There was a slight pause, then there was the sound of many locks unlocking and many bolts sliding back. The door swung open before us, and I walked in like I owned the place, Suzie strolling casually along beside me. She hadn’t even drawn her shotgun, which I thought showed considerable restraint. The comfortably appointed lobby was entirely deserted, with only a few overturned chairs to suggest that certain people had vacated the area in a hurry. A single desk clerk stood pale and trembling behind the reception desk.
    “Oh God,” he said, staring in horrid fascination at Suzie. “Not you again. The last time you were here, you shot up half the building.”
    “I get that a lot,” said Suzie.
    “Only because it’s true,” I said. “Last time I was here, you had half the security staff pinned down behind a barricade.”
    “That was just business. They shouldn’t take these things personally. I would have been ever so much more destructive if it had been personal.”
    “Somehow, knowing that doesn’t help,” said the desk clerk. “I was on duty the last time you were here, and I’m still on pills.”
    “We’re here looking for King Artur of Sinister Albion,” I said. “ Tell us what room he’s in, and we’ll go away and stop bothering you. Won’t that be nice?”
    “Room 1408,” the clerk said immediately. “Never liked the man. Trouble-maker. Knew it the minute I laid eyes on him. But you must realise ... the Fortress won’t let you walk in and take him. He’s entitled to protection even if he is an aristocratic little turd who never tips. You kick his door in and try to haul him away, and everyone in the place will come running with really big guns in their hands.”
    “Let them come,” said Suzie. She smiled, and the desk clerk winced.
    “All right,” he said. “That’s it. I am going to go and hide in the toilets until it’s all over.”

    We took the elevator to the fourteenth floor. It played the Carpenters’ greatest hits at us until Suzie blew the speakers out. The doors finally opened to reveal an empty floor stretching away before us. No-one there, nothing moving, except for maybe twenty or thirty security cameras, all whirring loudly as they turned to focus on us. I gave them a cheerful wave. Every door in the corridor was solid steel and firmly shut. I’d been half expecting a heavily armed welcoming committee, but for the moment it seemed everyone was waiting for someone else to make the first move. I looked at Suzie.
    “Let’s get this done before someone grows a pair and starts the charge. We don’t want a confrontation.”
    “You speak for yourself,” said Suzie. “I love a good confrontation.”
    “Can’t take you anywhere,” I said. “Come on. Help me look for 1408. Like it would kill them to put up signs ...”
    We finally found 1408 right at the end of the corridor, next to the ice machine. Suzie and I eased silently into position outside the door and listened carefully. I could hear voices inside: not quite raised in anger but definitely getting there. I gestured to Suzie, then ducked quickly back out of the way. Suzie kicked the door in with practised violence, and in a moment we were