Public Secrets

you about Darren.”
“Da says he’s an angel now, in heaven.”
“I’m sure he is.”

“It’s not fair that he went away. He didn’t even say goodbye.”
“He couldn’t.”
She knew that because she knew, deep in her heart, what you had to do to become an angel. “Da said that God wanted him, but I think it was a mistake and God should send him back.”
Lou brushed a hand over her hair, moved as much by her stubborn logic as he had been by the mother’s grief. “It was a mistake, Emma, a terrible one, but God can’t send him back.”
Her lip poked out, but it was more defiance than a pout. “God can do anything He wants.”
Lou stepped uneasily onto shaky ground. “Not always. Sometimes men do things and God doesn’t fix it. We have to. I think you might be able to help me find out how this mistake happened. Will you tell me about that night, the night you fell down the steps?”
She shifted her eyes to Charlie and plucked at his fur. “I broke my arm.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I have a little boy. He’s older than you, almost eleven. He broke his arm trying to roller-skate on the roof”
Impressed, she looked up again, eyes wide. “Really?”
“Yes. He broke his nose, too. He skated right off the roof and landed in the azalea bushes.”
“What’s his name?”
“Michael.”
Emma wanted to meet him and ask him what it had felt like to fly off a rooftop. It sounded very brave. Like something Darren would have wanted to try. Then she began to pluck at Charlie’s fur again. “Darren would have been three in February.”
“I know.” He took her hand. After a moment she curled her fingers around his.
“I loved him best of all,” she said simply. “Is he dead?”
“Yes, Emma.”
“And he can’t come back, even though it was a mistake?”
“No. I’m very sorry.”
She had to ask him, ask him what she hadn’t dared ask her father. Her father would cry, and might not tell her the truth. This man with his pale eyes and quiet voice wouldn’t cry.
“Is it my fault?” Her eyes were desperate as they shifted up to his.

“Why would you think so?”
“I ran away. I didn’t take care of him. I promised I always would, but I didn’t.”
“What did you run away from?”
“Snakes,” she said without hesitation, remembering only the nightmare. “There were snakes and things with big teeth.”
“Where?”
“Around the bed. They hide in the dark and like to eat bad girls.”
“I see.” He took out his notepad. ’Who told you that?”
“My mam—my mam before Bev. Bev says there aren’t any snakes at all, but she just doesn’t see them.”
“And you saw the snakes the night you fell?”
“They tried to stop me from going to Darren when he cried.”
“Darren was crying?”
Pleased that he hadn’t corrected her about the snakes, Emma nodded. “I heard him. Sometimes he wakes up at night, but he goes back to sleep again after I talk to him and take him Charlie.”
“Who’s Charlie?”
“My dog.” She held him out for Lou’s inspection.
“He’s very handsome,” Lou said as he patted Charlie’s dusty head. “Did you take Charlie to Darren that night?”
“I was going to.” Her face clouded as she struggled to remember. “I kept him with me to scare the snakes and the other things away. It was dark in the hall. It’s never dark in the hall. They were there.”
His fingers tightened on his pencil. “Who was there?”
“The monsters. I could hear them squishing and hissing. Darren was crying so loud. He needed me.”
“Did you go into his room, Emma?”
She shook her head. She could see herself, clearly, standing in the shadowed hallway with the sounds of hissing and snapping all around. “At the door, there was light under the door. The monsters had him.”
“Did you see the monsters?”
“There were two monsters in Darren’s room.”
“Did you see their faces?”

“They don’t have faces. One was holding him, holding him too tight and making him cry hard. He called for me, but I ran. I ran away and left Darren with the monsters. And they killed him. They killed him because I ran away.”
“No.” He gathered her close, letting her weep against his chest as he stroked her hair. “No, you ran to get help, didn’t you, Emma?”
“I wanted my da to come.”
“That was the right thing to do. They weren’t monsters, Emma. They were men, bad men. And you couldn’t have stopped them.”
“I promised I would take care of Darren, that I wouldn’t ever let