Rachel Goddard 01 - The Heat of the Moon

the headboard. “It’s probably nothing more than stress.”
    Michelle glowered at me.
    Ignoring my sister’s look, I said, “It didn’t seem minor. Did he find an underlying problem?”
    Mother smoothed the blue sheet over her legs. “Well, it’s not serious.”
    “I wish I could go on believing that,” Michelle said. “But I’m starting to think it’s worse than you ever let me know.”
    I glanced from her to Mother. “You mean this isn’t something new? Why didn’t you tell me you had a heart problem?”
    “Really, it’s nothing to worry about.” She waved a dismissive hand.
    “Tell me, Mother. Please. When did this start?”
    “Oh, a while back. I was feeling something a little—” Her long fingers fluttered over her chest. “—unusual, and I went to Dr. Beaumont. Of course he immediately sent me to a specialist.” She gave a little laugh: We know how doctors are, don’t we?
    Worry was full-blown in me. Every other concern melted away in the face of this reality. My mother was ill. Something was wrong with her heart. “What did the cardiologist say?”
    Her dark eyes met mine. “It’s hypertrophic cardiomyopathy—”
    “My God.” I groped for the chair behind me and dropped into it.
    “But it’s mild,” Mother said. “My medication takes care of it most of the time. I’m hardly aware of a problem.”
    I gripped the chair’s cold metal arms. “How long have you known?”
    She hesitated. “About eighteen months.”
    “Eighteen months!” I jumped up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
    “Because I saw absolutely no reason to worry you. You were in Ithaca, you were very busy with your training, and you couldn’t have done anything anyway.”
    “I’ve been home since Christmas. You could’ve told me.”
    “Rachel.” The sheets rustled with her movement. Her fingers were cold on my hand. “You’re right. I should have.”
    She held out her arms and I leaned into them gratefully, embracing the slender body that now seemed so frail. “I’m sorry I upset you,” I mumbled against her shoulder.
    She patted my back. “Let’s not think about it anymore.”
    I drew back and wiped tears from my cheeks. Mother’s hand glided over my hair and brushed my cheek.
    “Mother.” Michelle’s voice was too loud in the hushed room. “Did the doctor give you any special orders for when you go home?”
    “Oh, the usual. Take it easy, avoid stress.”
    “And that’s what you’re going to do,” Michelle said. “You should cut back on your practice—” 
    “No, no, no. That’s absolutely not necessary. As long as I keep down the stress level in other areas.”
    Michelle threw me a barbed glance. I was one of those other areas.
    The door swung inward with a whoosh and a stocky young blond woman in blue scrubs appeared. “I’m going to have to ask y’all to leave now,” she said. “It’s way past visiting hours, and your mother and her roommate both need their rest.”
    She pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows to emphasize the order before departing.
    “Yes, you two go home now,” Mother said. “I’ll see you both in the morning.”
    Michelle and I didn’t speak during the drive, and once inside the house she went directly to her bedroom. I unloaded the dishwasher and loaded the machine with the rest of the dirty dishes before climbing the stairs too.
    ***
    “It doesn’t necessarily mean her condition’s worsening,” Luke said when I called him. “The arrhythmia could be entirely psychogenic.”
    “You mean it is a reaction to stress.” I sat cross-legged on my bed, forehead in palm. “I did bring it on.”
    “No, I didn’t mean that. Stop blaming yourself. That’s probably what she wants you to do. Don’t fall into the trap.”
    “Oh, Luke. You make her sound so diabolical.”
    “Hey, remember you’re the one who said she used hypnosis to control you.”
    “Maybe I’m imagining things. I mean, I was all wound up when Theo was trying to hypnotize me—”
    “Rachel, for God’s sake! You’re finally getting at the truth. Don’t start doubting yourself now.”
    I rubbed the aching muscles at the back of my neck. “I just wish I felt sure I didn’t contribute to this heart problem.”
    “You know better than that, Dr. Goddard. Heart disease doesn’t develop overnight in people any more than it does in animals. If you can’t trust your own medical knowledge, then trust mine.”
    He was right. But that didn’t take away the guilt.
    ***
    Sleep