Rachel Goddard 01 - The Heat of the Moon

o’clock and Mother would be home soon, I roused myself and made a decision. I pulled my cell phone from my purse and called Luke at the clinic.
    ***
    I reached his apartment before he did. Although I still had a key, I didn’t feel entitled to use it. I waited for him outside his door. When he emerged from the elevator and strode down the hall I watched him with a peculiar detachment, as if this tall lanky man had nothing to do with me.
    He stopped when he reached me, his lively eyes scanning for clues to my state of mind. I felt as if I’d left myself at home and sent my empty body on this errand.
    Luke’s gaze dropped to my hand, which held the tape up between us. “You didn’t listen to it yet?”
    I shook my head.
    He slid a key into the lock and pushed the door open, stepping aside to let me pass.
    While he switched on lights, found his cassette player, and brought me a glass of ice water, I sat on the living room sofa clutching the tape. He had to gently pry my fingers loose so he could slide the tape into the player and rewind it.
    “You ready?” he said, a finger on the play button.
    I nodded.
    Our indistinct voices became clearer as Mother and I moved closer to the recorder. Reassuring, almost cheerful, she told me to lie down and relax, she was with me, she would be with me every second, I had nothing to fear. I pictured myself stretched out on the couch, Mother beside me in the chair pulled over from the dresser.
    “Take a deep breath and let it out very slowly. Yes, that’s right. Breathe deeply, in and out. In and out. You can feel your body beginning to relax. You’re beginning to feel peaceful, so peaceful and relaxed.”
    Her voice murmured on, guiding me through the relaxation process for each part of my body. There was no sound from me.
    “Now I’m going to count backward from twenty. With every number I speak, you’ll feel yourself going deeper and deeper, until you reach the deepest level.”
    As I sat beside Luke, listening to Mother count, I began to drift away. Luke shook me hard and I gasped, blinking at his worried face.
    “I thought I was losing you for a minute.” He’d stopped the tape. “Can you listen to the rest of this? Will you be all right?”
    I nodded. “I’m okay. I have to hear it.”
    He hesitated, doubtful, but after a moment he switched the tape on again.
    Mother continued counting backward. When she reached the number one, a brief silence followed. She said, very softly, “Rachel? Can you hear me?” 
    A faint “Yes” from me.
    “You’ve been very upset and confused, Rachel. Would you like to feel better? Would you like to feel peaceful again, Rachel?”
    A pause, then another murmured “Yes.”
    “You want to be happy. You want to put aside all the thoughts that have made you unhappy. Wouldn’t you like to put away all those bad thoughts and never be troubled by them again?”
    “Yes.”
    “Do you want me to help you? No, Rachel, don’t sit up, lie down, lie down, that’s right. Relax.”
    A whimper that must have come from me.
    “I’m your mother, Rachel. You know that, don’t you?”
    Silence.
    “I’m your mother. Your name is Rachel Goddard and you are my daughter. You know that, don’t you?”
    Silence.
    “Rachel?” Coaxing. “Your name is Rachel Goddard and you’re my daughter. You believe that, don’t you?”
    At last, weakly, “Yes.”
    “Tell me again. Your name is Rachel Goddard and you’re my daughter. Is that right?”
    “Yes.” Stronger now, definite.
    “You love me, don’t you?”
    “Yes.” With no hesitation.
    “I’ve been a good mother to you, haven’t I?”
    “Yes.”
    “You want me to be happy, don’t you?”
    “Yes.”
    “You want to please me?”
    “Yes.”
    “You don’t want to upset me and make me ill, do you?”
    A rustling sound, movement.
    “Rachel, let your body relax. Lie back, yes, that’s right, lie back and relax. Breathe deeply, in and out, in and out. With every breath you feel more and more calm and relaxed. Your whole body is completely relaxed. Completely relaxed.”
    Her voice was quiet, unhurried, soothing. “Rachel,” she said, “I know you want to stay close to Michelle and me. I know you won’t let anyone come between us. You want us to be happy together, don’t you?”
    “Yes.”
    “I know you love your sister and your mother, and you won’t let anyone turn you against us. You won’t let Luke Campbell turn you against your mother and sister, will you?”
    I