The Shuddering

smoking a cigarette just outside the door. To say that he hadn’t been smitten by her would have been a lie. Only a few months ago, he could hardly restrain himself from undressing her with his eyes. Now he couldn’t help but picture that body lying out in the snow, probably in a place where he and Jane and Ryan used to run and dig and pretend that they were lost in the woods, nobody but the three of them left in the world.
    That was his worst fear.
    April was volatile, but she wasn’t stupid. He reassured himself that she would have found a place to hide. Maybe she was inthe Jeep, curled up in the foot well and waiting for someone to find her.
    “We can’t stay in here,” he finally spoke. “We need a plan.” Because despite his own terror, he had to find her. He had to save his child.
    “There is no plan,” Ryan said toward the floor.
    “We have to make one,” Jane cut in. It was impressive, the way her face was going through emotions like a flickering lightbulb—horrified one second, grief stricken the next. But she was keeping it together. “We just need to figure out what to do,” she said. “We’ll be okay…”
    “We’ll be okay?” Ryan laughed bitterly. He looked up for the first time since they’d scrambled into that tiny room, his eyes hard. “You have no fucking idea. You have no fucking clue .”
    Jane’s composed exterior wavered. Sawyer could see Ryan’s severity eating at her, singeing the fine-spun fibers of her self-control. “That’s why you need to tell us what you saw,” she told him. “We can’t fight them if we don’t know what they are.”
    “And what are you going to do, Jane? Are you going to teach them how to color inside the lines?” Ryan asked her. “Are you going to teach them how to bake a fucking cake?”
    “ Hey .” Sawyer’s voice snapped Ryan to attention. They locked eyes, challenging each other. “Don’t take this out on her. This isn’t anyone’s fault.”
    Ryan’s expression went sour. He looked down at his hands, holding something back, and then those hands covered his face again. Guilt. It was so heavy Sawyer could taste it.
    “We can’t stay in here,” Sawyer repeated. “April is out there, right? We have to go look for her. Or at least I have to go look for her. You guys can stay here but I can’t.”
    “You go out there and you’re dead,” Ryan said flatly. “I know you saw them. April isn’t out there. If Lauren didn’t make it, neither did she.”
    “Why?” Sawyer clenched his teeth at the insinuation. “Because you liked Lauren better?”
    “Because it’s not goddamn logical. How can she be out there, Sawyer? She was wearing jeans and a designer coat, for fuck’s sake. If they didn’t get her, the cold already has.”
    Sawyer lunged forward, grabbing Ryan by the front of his coat, jerking him up to his feet before slamming him against the pantry door with a snarl. Jane gasped at the sudden barrage of movement, her hands flying out to grab Sawyer’s shoulders.
    “Don’t!” she yelped, but it only made Sawyer shove Ryan again.
    “Say it again,” Sawyer challenged, releasing Ryan’s coat a second later, disgusted.
    “You guys, stop.” Jane stared at them both with wide, glassy eyes. “We can’t turn against each other.”
    Sawyer shook his head. “You’re giving up? Is that it?”
    “No,” Jane answered for him. “He’s not. Nobody is giving up.”
    “I’m not going to die in here,” Sawyer assured them, taking a backward step.
    “Nobody is going to die…” She faltered when she realized that she was wrong. Someone had already died. Lauren was gone forever, and according to Ryan, April didn’t stand a chance. “Ryan?” Her bottom lip trembled. “We’re not going to die out here, right?”
    Ryan said nothing.
    She tried to compose herself, but her shoulders lurched forward, giving way to a stifled sob. “I have to go back to work. The kids don’t have a sub. I need to at least call in…”
    “Jane.” Sawyer reached out to her, his hand grazing her shoulder. It hurt to look at her, hurt to know that he couldn’t do anything to soothe her nerves. “It’s going to be okay,” he told her. “I promise.”
    “Okay,” she whispered. “Okay. It’ll be okay.”
    Sawyer let his head fall back, staring at the ceiling. Maybe Ryan was right. Maybe there was no way out of there—no possible way they could make it. It was hard to believe that just that morning, less than an hour before, his