When You Were Here

her house in twenty minutes, that both her daughter and her husband are out. She doesn’t use Holland’s name with me, just says my daughter , as if that designation demarcates her into two separate people—the Holland who is Kate’s daughter and the Holland who was mine.
    When Kate answers the door, she is wearing black workout pants and a black workout top. “I just got back from the gym.”
    “Good workout?”
    “The best,” she says as I follow her into the kitchen. Everything is the Best for Kate. She has the best day. The best time. Sees the best movies. Reads the best books. I want to be as happy as Kate someday. She’s happy about almost everything. Except losing her best friend, but she is steel, and she won’t let on about her own sorrow in front of me.
    “I just got three new carpets from my Turkish contact this week.” She gestures to the far side of the house. “They’re in the den of iniquity ,” she jokes, referring to her rug room, because Kate is the type of person who can joke about her job. She is an antique-rug dealer, peddling fancy, exotic, original, and hard-to-find rugs to the superrich in Southern California. It’s not the kind of job you’d ever think someone would have, but she has it, and she does quite well for herself too. Her husband is a tax attorney. It’s kind of ironic, in a way, that no one I know has anything to do with the film or TV business, but that’s all people think Los Angeles is about.
    Kate and I fall into our familiar spots in her kitchen. I head straight for the fridge, reaching for a Diet Coke on the side of the door where they’re kept. Kate goes through her regular routine too, filling a glass with her cold, filtered water and adding a slice of lemon to the edge of the glass. I swear, if you saw her water routine, you’d never think this woman worked out at Animal House.
    I lean against the counter, taking a drink of the soda,and then I place the can down. “What do you know about Kana Miyoshi?”
    “Mai’s daughter?”
    I nod.
    “What do you want to know about her? They take care of your mother’s apartment. Now your apartment. They took over the building a year ago from the previous company, so I don’t think you ever met them.”
    “How old is she? Kana.”
    “She’s seventeen. She has one year left in high school, I believe. Are you having some online fantasy relationship with her?”
    I laugh silently and shake my head. Kate doesn’t mince words. I love her directness on all topics but the one verboten subject that we both know to never broach.
    “Why are you asking, then?”
    I want to show Kate the letter, but what if she just explains all those things away? What if she just rattles off a quick and obvious explanation of the temple and the teahouse, and then this door is slammed shut? I need this door open.
    I shrug. “Curious, okay?”
    “It’s your standard apartment-management business. Most of the places they manage are owned by foreigners or other people who only go to Tokyo a few times a year. Most don’t live there year-round. So they need someone on the ground for any issues or problems with the apartments. That’s what Mai does. But she felt her English wasn’t good enough, so that’s why Kana is so involved. Anything else?”
    “Did my mom stop taking her meds when she was there?”
    “I don’t think so. Why would she do that?”
    “Did she stop taking her meds here ?”
    Kate shakes her head. “Not that I know of. Why?”
    “Well, where are they?”
    “There were things I cleaned out after…” She lets her voice go. Finds it again. “But I didn’t inventory her meds. I didn’t count pills. Besides, there weren’t many left when…” Another deserted sentence. Another side effect of death. Words go AWOL. “So I just got rid of what was left.”
    Maybe the meds in Tokyo were unopened because my mom had just refilled them on her last trip there. And maybe she never took them simply because she never returned to Tokyo. That would make sense. But even so, I’d like to hear it from the doctor. I’d like to know what the doctor’s orders were.
    Kate takes a few steps closer and puts her hand on my arm. “What’s going on, Danny? How can I help you? You know Elizabeth asked me to look out for you, but you should also know that she didn’t have to. I’d do it anyway. I love you like you’re my own son. And I would be here for you whether she asked me to or not.”
    I dip my hand into the pocket