600 Hours of Edward

because around gardeners I open up and blossom and that’s how I like to experience life.
    When you brought up sex, that freaked me out also but Im willing to give you the benefit of the doubt that your nervous about meeting. I was too.
    Anyway those are my thoughts and I share them with you with respect and I hope you will understand that this is a gift, to share anything is a gift…and my hope is you will treat it as such. But thats up to you.
    I just don’t see us being more than friends and since we live so far apart I don’t see that either.
    Sorry.
    Joy
    I don’t keep records on such things, but surely 9:12 a.m. is the earliest I’ve ever written a letter of complaint. I prepare a newgreen office folder, put a tab titled “Joy” on it, and sit down at the computer to type.
    Joy:
    Thank you for your e-mail of the twenty-fifth. Please allow me to retort.
    First, I don’t know what “the click” factor is.
    Second, I burped because of the wine, which I’d never had before and you were insistent that I try.
    Third, you spelled “compatible” wrong.
    Fourth, you need to learn how to use apostrophes correctly and consistently.
    Fifth, I was listening to your story.
    Sixth, I don’t know what a “TV guy” is.
    Seventh, your note doesn’t feel much like a gift.
    Eighth, why say you don’t see us being more than friends and then say you don’t see that, either? It makes no sense.
    Regards,
    Edward Stanton
    I print out the letter and file it away, then come back to the computer, pull up Montana Personal Connect again and see this:
    Inbox (1).
    Edward:
    I had high hopes for this. I really did. Dating men in Broadview is so hard because there are only a limited number of cool places to go here and I always run into
someone. I am an extremely private person and so I generally like not being around town and the rumor mill. Also I meant to tell you this last night but didn’t and I feel I should now: my first name is actually Annette. I didn’t want to have my real name for my e-mail so I created this account with my middle name. I figure that anyone reasonable will understand and believe me it has kept me safe.
    Annette
    I go back to my files, pull Joy’s folder, take out the tab, and add this to the “Joy” that’s already there: “aka, Annette.”
    Then it’s back to the computer for another letter.
    Annette:
    I am flabbergasted by this latest revelation. I was honest about my name. Why couldn’t you do the same? Frankly, I find that our correspondence has taken an ugly turn. Please refrain from contacting me further.
    Regards,
    Edward Stanton
    I file the second letter, then put the green office folder back in the filing cabinet and return to the computer.
    Inbox (1).
    Holy shit!
    Edward:
    The guy Ive been writing to didn’t show up last night. All in all, you seemed like a nice guy but not easy to talk to in person…for whatever reason. I don’t like having to work this hard at something. Im sorry if my perceptions sting and they may be inaccurate as hell, I’ll give you that.
    I don’t have it in me to wait for you to show up…and that you never commented or supported me on anything that I said about my life was very revealing that you thought you were the only one nervous or needing to feel put at ease. I gave you that, you didn’t. It made me sad and angry a bit because I thought more of you.
    Annette
    I retrieve the green office folder yet again.
    Annette:
    I do not know why you insist on continuing to write to me. Your complaints are heading into bizarre territory now. Dr. Buckley says that when I start to feel overwhelmed or out of control, I should take a deep breath and focus on a path out of the chaos. I rather think you should take that advice now.
    Regards,
    Edward Stanton
    Annette, or Joy, or whoever she is, writes three more times, and my green office folder begins to fill up.
    Edward:
    I was going to write and see if we could work something out but I think that it is better to let it go. I think that at this point, any making up would just lead to more of the same kind of misunderstanding and “drama.” I think your substantial, kind-hearted, sweet, beautiful in your own way, and so much more you will never know. But I cant go into something this emotional. My last boyfriend, whom I dearly loved and completely supported through so much stuff, took it and then he slammed another girl just a few short months ago. Therefore, I am looking for a less dramatic deal right