A Fractured Light (Beautiful Dark)

and we looked each other straight in the eye.
    She gasped. “Oh my god. Skye, no way.”
    “No way, what?”
    “You still have feelings for him!”
    “What? That’s crazy. I so do not.”
    “Do we really have to go through this again? You absolutely do. I can tell these things.”
    “You’re losing your touch,” I said.
    Her hand flew to her mouth.
    “Skye Parker, you can abandon me in the hospital to spend time with your disgustingly gorgeous boyfriend and you can invite me to dinner and get me tipsy, but you wound me on the very deepest level when you insult my ability to detect matters of the heart—especially when it comes to you. Did I or did I not call Asher from Day One?”
    I smiled, despite myself. “You did,” I admitted.
    “So what is happening with Devin?”
    I wanted to tell her. I wanted to stay up late after everybody left, gushing about everything that had happened to me since her accident. But what if the Order was watching? Lurking in the woods, just like the notebook said? Was that a risk I could take? What if this time, they actually took her life? I couldn’t be responsible for that. I wouldn’t .
    And then there was that other troubling thought. What could she see in me that I couldn’t? Did I still have feelings for Devin? Even after everything I’d been through, was it possible I still cared about him?
    “You’re wrong this one time,” I said. “There’s nothing happening.” And I wasn’t lying about that, at least.
    She stared at me, and I could tell she thought I was holding back.
    “You know, we used to tell each other everything,” she said. Then she turned and walked into the dining room.
    I sighed and threw the rest of the string beans into the composter. I had a feeling that Cassie would never truly forgive me for leaving until I could finally tell her the truth. But I knew that if I told her, she could get even more hurt than she would if I didn’t.
    Aunt Jo went upstairs to go to bed, and the four of us spilled out onto the deck. The night was so balmy that we didn’t need jackets—or maybe we were all just flushed and a little giddy from the wine. Cassie kept ribbing Dan for being her Designated Driver. “No, no,” she kept saying. “It’s cute! You’re my knight in shining armor!”
    “All right,” Dan said. “That’s it! You better run!”
    Cassie shrieked and slowly made her way down the steps of the deck, and Dan pretended to chase after her, into the field behind our house. We could hear them laughing, and then suddenly we couldn’t hear them at all—which meant their fighting had devolved into making out.
    Would I ever find something like that? All I wanted was to feel safe and stable, like my life wasn’t going to suddenly change in the middle of the night. I loved Asher so much, but he was part of a scary and unpredictable world. And now, for better or for worse, I was, too.
    As if reading my thoughts, he came up behind me and wrapped me in his arms. I leaned back against him, letting my cheek graze against the soft wool of his sweater. Above us, a shooting star streaked across the night.
    “Make a wish,” Asher whispered.
    “I think I already have.”
    “You know,” he said, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you caused that shooting star yourself.”
    I laughed and nodded. He pulled me even tighter against him, and I could feel his breath rise and fall more rapidly against my back—and the marked lack of a heartbeat.
    “We’re so close,” he whispered into my ear. “Every day, you’re getting stronger. The universe is shifting. Can you feel it?”
    “Yes,” I said, gazing out at the stars. “I can.”
    I had no idea what the future held, but for now I’d just have to be happy resting in the arms of my dark angel.
     
    That night, after everyone had left, I lay in bed, staring up at the cracks and water marks on my ceiling. I was still warm from being with Asher, still felt his arms wrapped tightly around me. I tried to let the memory comfort me, lull me to sleep. But my brain kept working, and I knew sleep was impossible.
    The notebook called to me from the bottom drawer of my dresser, under all those socks. I tried not to think about it, rolled over, and stared at the blank wall—but something pulled me back. Finally I couldn’t hold out any longer. I jumped out of bed and thrust my hands into the bottom drawer, digging around until I found what I was looking for. The little notebook stared up at me,