A Malazan Book of the Fallen Collection 3

beneath torchlight. A small heap of delicate bones sat in the centre of the large plate before her. Within reach was a crystal carafe of white wine. An extra goblet waited in front of the empty chair opposite her.
    'You're not Tehol,' she said as Bugg arrived and sat down. 'Where's Tehol and his immodest trousers?'
    'Not here, alas, Chief Investigator, but you can be certain that, wherever they are, they are together.'
    'Ah, so he has meetings with people more important than me? After all, were he sleeping, he would not be wearing the trousers, would he?'
    'I wouldn't know, Rucket. Now, you requested this meeting?'
    'With Tehol.'
    'Ah, so this was to be romantic?'
    She sniffed and took a moment to glare at the only other occupants of this midnight restaurant, a husband and wife clearly not married to each other who were casting suspicious glances their way, punctuated with close leaning heads and heated whispers. 'This place serves a specific clientele, damn you. What's your name again?'
    'Bugg.'
    'Oh yes. I recall being unsurprised the first time it was mentioned. Well, you kept me waiting, you little worm, and what's that smell?'
    Bugg withdrew a blackened, wrinkled strip, flat and slightly longer than his hand. 'I found an eel in the fish market. Thought I'd make soup for myself and the master.'
    'Our financial adviser eats discarded eels?'
    'Frugality is a virtue among financiers, Chief Investigator.' He tucked the dried strip back into his shirt. 'How is the wine? May I?'
    'Well, why not? Here, care to pick the bones?'
    'Possibly. What was it originally?'
    'Cat, of course.'
    'Cat. Oh yes, of course. Well, I never liked cats anyway. All those hair balls.' He drew the plate over and perused it to see what was left.
    'You have a fascination for feline genitalia? That's disgusting, although I've heard worse. One of our minor catchers once tried to marry a rat. I myself possess peculiar interests, I freely admit.'
    'That's nice,' Bugg said, popping a vertebra into his mouth to suck out the marrow.
    'Well, aren't you curious?'
    'No,' he said around the bone. 'Should I be?'
    Rucket slowly leaned forward, as if seeing Bugg for the first time. 'You ... interest me now. I freely admit it. Do you want to know why?'
    'Why you freely admit it? All right.'
    'I'm a very open person, all things considered.'
    'Well, I am considering those things, and so consequently admit to being somewhat surprised.'
    'That doesn't surprise me in the least, Bugg. What are you doing later tonight, and what's that insect? There, on your shoulder?'
    He pulled the vertebra out and reached for another. 'It's of the two-headed variety. Very rare, for what I imagine are obvious reasons. I thought my master would like to see it.'
    'So you permit it to crawl all over you?'
    'That would take days. It's managed to climb from halfway up my arm to my shoulder and that's taken over a bell.*
    'What a pathetic creature.'
    'I suspect it has difficulty making up its minds.'
    'You're being funny, aren't you? I have a thing for funny people. Why don't you come home with me after you've finished here.'
    'Are you sure you don't have any business to discuss with me? Perhaps some news for Tehol?'
    'Well, there's a murderous little girl who's undead, and she's been killing lots of people, although less so lately. And Gerun Eberict has been far busier than it would outwardly seem.'
    'Indeed? But why would he hide that fact?'
    'Because the killings do not appear to be politically motivated.'
    'Oh? Then what are his motivations?'
    'Hard to tell. We think he just likes killing people.'
    'Well, how many has he killed this past year?'
    'Somewhere between two and three thousand, we think.'
    Bugg reached with haste for his goblet. He drank the wine down, then coughed. 'Errant take us!'
    'So, are you coming home with me or not? I have this cat-fur rug—'
    'Alas, my dear, I have taken a vow of celibacy.'
    'Since when?'
    'Oh, thousands of years... it seems.'
    'I am not surprised. But even more intrigued.'
    'Ah, it's the lure of the unattainable.'
    'Are you truly unattainable?'
    'Extraordinary, but yes, I am.'
    'What a terrible loss for womanhood.'
    'Now you are being funny.'
    'No, I am being serious, Bugg. I think you are probably a wonderful lover.'
    'Aye,' he drawled, 'the very oceans heaved. Can we move on to some other subject? You want any more wine? No? Great.' He collected the carafe, then drew a flask from under his shirt and began the delicate task of pouring the wine