A Malazan Book of the Fallen Collection 3

wind
fresh and the carrack rode the swells as if its very wood was
alive. Every now and then the bow pitched down, raising
spray, and Chaur would laugh, the sound child-like, a thing
of pure joy.
    Scillara settled down amidships, the sun on her face
warm, not hot, and stretched out.
    We sail a carrack named Grief, with a corpse on board. That
Cutter means to deliver to its final place of rest. Heboric, did
you know such loyalty could exist, there in your shadow?
    Barathol moved past her at one point, and, as Chaur
laughed once more, she saw an answering smile on his
battered, scarified face.
    Oh yes, it is indeed blessed music. So unexpected, and in its
innocence, so needed .. .
     
    The return of certain mortal traits, Onrack the Broken
realized, reminded one that life was far from perfect. Not that
he had held many illusions in that regard. In truth, he held
no illusions at all. About anything. Even so, some time passed
– in something like a state of fugue – before Onrack recognized
that what he was feeling was ... impatience.
    The enemy would come again. These caverns would
echo with screams, with the clangour of weapons, with
voices raised in rage. And Onrack would stand at Trull
Sengar's side, and with him witness, in helpless fury, the
death of still more of Minala's children.
    Of course, children was a term that no longer fit. Had they
been Imass, they would have survived the ordeal of the
passage into adulthood by now. They would be taking mates,
leading hunting parties, and joining their voices to the night
songs of the clan, when the darkness returned to remind them
all that death waited, there at the end of life's path.
    Lying with lovers also belonged to night, and that made
sense, for it was in the midst of true darkness that the first
fire of life was born, flickering awake to drive back the
unchanging absence of light. To lie with a lover was to
celebrate the creation of fire. From this in the flesh to the
world beyond.
    Here, in the chasm, night reigned eternal, and there was
no fire in the soul, no heat of lovemaking. There was only
the promise of death.
    And Onrack was impatient with that. There was no
glory in waiting for oblivion. No, in an existence bound
with true meaning and purpose, oblivion should ever arrive
unexpected, unanticipated and unseen. One moment
racing full tilt, the next, gone.
    As a T'lan Imass of Logros, Onrack had known the
terrible cost borne in wars of attrition. The spirit exhausted
beyond reason, with no salvation awaiting it, only more of
the same. The kin falling to the wayside, shattered and
motionless, eyes fixed on some skewed vista – a scene to be
watched for eternity, the minute changes measuring the
centuries of indifference. Some timid creature scampering
through, a plant's exuberant green pushing up from the
earth after a rain, birds pecking at seeds, insects building
empires ...
    Trull Sengar came to his side where Onrack stood guarding
the choke-point. 'Monok Ochem says the Edur's
presence has ... contracted, away from us. For now. As if
something made my kin retreat. I feel, my friend, that we
have been granted a reprieve – one that is not welcome. I
don't know how much longer I can fight.'
    'When you can no longer fight in truth, Trull Sengar, the
failure will cease to matter.'
    'I did not think they would defy her, you know, but now,
I see that it makes sense. She expected them to just abandon
this, leaving the handful remaining here to their fate.
Our fate, I mean.' He shrugged. 'Panek was not surprised.'
    'The other children look to him,' Onrack said. 'They
would not abandon him. Nor their mothers.'
    'And, in staying, they will break the hearts of us all.'
    'Yes.'
    The Tiste Edur looked over. 'Have you come to regret
the awakening of emotions within you, Onrack?'
    'This awakening serves to remind me, Trull Sengar.'
    'Of what?'
    'Of why I am called "The Broken".'
    'As broken as the rest of us.'
    'Not Monok Ochem, nor Ibra Gholan.'
    'No, not them.'
    'Trull Sengar, when the attackers come, I would you
know – I intend to leave your side.'
    'Indeed?'
    'Yes. I intend to challenge their leader. To slay him or be
destroyed in the attempt. Perhaps, if I can deliver a truly
frightful cost, they will reconsider their alliance with the
Crippled God. At the very least, they may withdraw and
not return for a long time.'
    'I understand.' Trull then smiled in the gloom. 'I will miss
your presence at my side in those final moments, my
friend.'
    'Should I succeed