A Malazan Book of the Fallen Collection 4

is to know. And,' he
added, somewhat breathlessly, 'there is of course more to it,
more to it. Salvation—'
    'You cannot be serious.'
    'It is not quite a lie, not quite a lie, my friend. Not quite a
lie. And truth, well, truth is never as true as you think it is,
or if it is, then not for long not for long not for long.'
    Ditch stared up at the sickly sky overhead, the flashes of
reflected argent spilling through what seemed to be roiling
clouds of grey dust. Everything felt imminent, something
hovering at the edge of his vision. There was a strangeness
in his mind, as if he was but moments from hearing some
devastating news, a fatal illness no healer could solve;
he knew it was coming, knew it to be inevitable, but
the details were unknown and all he could do was wait.
Live on in endless anticipation of that cruel, senseless
pronouncement.
    If there were so many sides to existing, why did grief and
pain overwhelm all else? Why were such grim forces so
much more powerful than joy, or love, or even compassion?
And, in the face of that, did dignity really provide a worthy
response? It was but a lifted shield, a display to others,
whilst the soul cowered behind it, in no way ready to stand
unmoved by catastrophe, especially the personal kind.
    He felt a sudden hatred for the futility of things.
    Kadaspala was crawling closer, his slithering stalking
betrayed in minute gasps of effort, the attempts at stealth
pathetic, almost comical.
    Blood and ink, ink and blood, right, Kadaspala? The physical
and the spiritual, each painting the truth of the other.
    I will wring your neck, I swear it.
    He felt motion, heard soft groans, and all at once a figure
was crouching down beside him. Ditch opened his eyes.
'Yes,' he said, sneering, 'you were summoned.'
    'Just how many battles, wizard, are you prepared to lose?'
    The question irritated him, but then it was meant to.
'Either way, I have few left, don't I?'
    Draconus reached down and dragged Ditch from between
the two demons, roughly throwing him on to his
stomach – no easy thing, since Ditch was not a small man,
yet the muscles behind that effort made the wizard feel like
a child.
    'What are you doing?' Ditch demanded, as Draconus
placed his hands to either side of the wizard's head, fingers
lacing below his jaw.
    Ditch sought to pull his head back, away from that tightening
grip, but the effort failed.
    A sudden wrench to one side. Something in his neck
broke clean, a crunch and snap that reverberated up into
his skull, a brief flare of what might have been pain, then
. . . nothing.
    'What have you done?'
    'Not the solution I would have preferred,' Draconus said
from above him, 'but it was obvious that argument alone
would not convince you to cooperate.'
    Ditch could not feel his body. Nothing, nothing at all
beneath his neck. He broke it – my neck, severed the spinal
cord. He – gods! Gods! 'Torment take you, Elder God.
Torment take your soul. An eternity of agony. Death of all
your dreams, sorrow unending among your kin – may they
too know misery, despair – all your—'
    'Oh, be quiet, Ditch. I haven't the time for this.'
    The scene before Ditch's eyes rocked then, swung wild
and spun, as Draconus dragged him back to where he had
been lying before, to where Kadaspala needed him to be. The apex, the crux, the heart, the whatever. You have me now,
Tiste Andii.
    And yes, I did not heed your threat, and look at me now.
True and true, you might say, Ditch never learns. Not about
threats. Not about risks. And no, nothing – nothing – about
creatures such as Draconus. Or Anomander Rake. Or any of
them, who do what they have to do, when it needs doing.
    'Hold your face still,' Kadaspala whispered close to one
ear. 'I do not want to blind you, I do not want to blind
you. You do not want to be blind, trust me, you do not
want to be blind. No twitching, this is too important, too
too too important and important, too.'
    The stab of the stylus, a faint sting, and now, as it was the
only sensation he had left, the pain shivered like a blessing,
a god's merciful touch to remind him of his flesh – that it
still existed, that blood still flowed beneath the skin.
    The healer, Ditch, has devastating news.
    But you still have your dignity. You still have that.
    Oh yes, he still has his dignity. See the calm resignation in
these steady eyes, the steeled expression, the courage of no
choice.
    Be impressed, won't you?
    The south-facing slopes of God's Walk Mountains were
crowded with