A Very Special Delivery

even greater.
    “I don’t think so, Ethan.” She spoke as gently as she could but knew the words would sting. They’d shared much. Seeing each other again would be the normal, ordinary thing to do. But regardless of how much she wanted to know him better, nothing in her life was normal anymore.
    A spot on her calf began to ache. She leaned up, rubbing at it to avoid Ethan’s earnest gaze. “You’re nice to ask, but I can’t. I…” Her voice trailed off.
    She couldn’t tell him the truth—that she was afraid to see him again. Afraid of having a panic attack. Afraid of what might happen to Laney.
    Afraid of her feelings.
    Except for Aunt Patsy’s clatter—a clatter that seemed louder than usual—the apartment grew quiet. She picked at the white tape with a fingernail.
    Finally, Ethan broke the silence. “Well, it’s been an adventure,” he said. “Believe it or not, I enjoyed myself.”
    “Me, too,” she admitted. And she had—most of the time.
    Looking up, she caught the puzzled hurt in his blue eyes and hated herself for putting it there. His expression spoke volumes. If she liked him, if she’d enjoyed their time, why wouldn’t she see him again?
    Because she couldn’t risk him ever finding out.
    * * *
    Ethan was barely out of sight when Aunt Patsy shuffled in from the kitchen, dish towel in hand and said, “Why did you turn him down like that, child? He’s a nice young man.”
    “Don’t start, Auntie. You know where I stand on the subject. Ethan has a baby. And that’s the end of it as far as I’m concerned.”
    Patsy perched on the edge of the sofa. “Honey, I love you and I’ve watched you suffer for two years over this. But you have to let go. Give it to God.”
    Molly squeezed her eyelids together. “I wish I could.”
    “You can. What happened to our little Zack was a tragedy. You and your sister have to get over it and move on with your lives.”
    Get over it. If only it was that easy. But the horror was seared into her memory like a brand, too deep to heal.
    Irrational. Phobic. Obsessive. Molly knew all the terms, for what little good that did.
    “You think I’m neurotic, too.”
    “I do no such thing,” Aunt Patsy breathed, indignant. “You’ve lived through something awful. Anyone not affected by that is made of ice. But, honey, you can’t keep living in fear this way. Fear is the opposite of faith.”
    Distressed, Molly sank deeper into the couch. She didn’t want to be afraid. She didn’t want to be alone. But avoiding danger was the only way to keep the panic at bay.
    Aunt Patsy didn’t understand. She hadn’t been the one to find Zack’s limp and lifeless body in his crib. She hadn’t been suspected by the police and accused by her own family.
    “Are you turning against me, too?”
    “Never. The way Chloe treated you is terrible and I’ve told her and your mother so a hundred times. If your daddy was still alive, he’d put a stop to that nonsense. But I’m not thinking of them. I’m thinking of you. You need a life. For two years I’ve watched you spin your wheels, going nowhere. You’re stuck on that terrible day, hiding out with us old people, hiding on the farm, hiding from life.”
    “I’m not hiding.” Not in the way Patsy meant. Her presence upset her sister. And as the person responsible for Chloe’s heartache staying out of sight was the least she could do. And staying away from people, kids in particular, was a matter of preserving her sanity. The fear of a panic attack hung over her every time she ventured out into the community.
    “Ethan Hunter is a good man. Some smart woman is going to snatch him up.”
    “He deserves a good woman.” Her heart pinched when she said it. “And Laney deserves to be loved by a woman who can keep her safe.”
    “Oh, sugar pie,” Patsy said wearily, shaking her head. “You’re only a danger to your own happiness, never to a baby.”
    Molly wished that was true. “I’m tired, Aunt Patsy.”
    “I know you are. In more ways than one.” She patted Molly’s arm. “I’ll let you rest ’til dinner, but just you mark my words. Ethan Hunter is special and he likes you. If he’s the man I think he is, he’ll be back.”
    “Won’t do any good.”
    Molly burrowed into the pillow and closed her eyes again. Ethan’s handsome face was there to haunt her. She pushed him away. A baby was dead because of her, and regardless of how much she liked Ethan, she couldn’t bear to live through that