Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death

and talks like them old British war films. He was a protégé of Vera Cummings-Browne. Anyway, Mrs Cummings-Browne said she would get the dramatic society to put it on. Two of the parts were about a middle-aged couple remembering the passion of their youth, or that’s how the programme put it. This was played by Mrs Barr and Mr Cummings-Browne. Dead boring that whole play was. Anyway, they were supposed to be on a liner and there they was sat, in deck chairs and with travel rugs over their knees saying things like, “Remember India, darling?”’
    ‘Sort of fake Noel Coward?’
    ‘I s’pose. I wouldn’t know. Anyways, Mrs Barr suddenly turns to him and says, “Reg, Reg, kiss me.” Well, that waren’t in the scrip’ and what’s more, the character Mr Cummings-Browne was playing was called Ralph. He muttered something and she threw herself at him, his deck chair went over, and we all cheered and laughed, thinking it was the first funny thing that evening, but the playwright screamed awful words and tried to climb up on the stage and Mrs Cummings-Browne closed the curtains. We could hear the most awful row going on backstage and then Mrs Cummings-Browne came out in front of the curtains and said the rest of the play was cancelled.’
    ‘So Mrs Barr must have been having an affair with Cummings-Browne!’
    ‘You know, I often wonder if that one did more than have a bit of a kiss and cuddle. I mean, take Ella Cartwright; for all she looks like a slut, all she really cares about is getting money for the bingo. Now can I go back to work?’
    The security firm arrived and Agatha paid over a staggering sum and then they began to fit lights and alarms and pressure pads.
    ‘Going to be like Fort Knox here,’ grumbled Doris.
    Agatha went out and sat in the garden to get away from the workmen, but the sun was too fierce. The air of the Cotswolds is very heavy and on that day the sun seemed to have burnt all the oxygen out of it. She felt as isolated as if she were on a desert island, even with Doris working away and men bustling about fixing the alarm system. She moved her chair into a patch of shade. She would not make any rash decisions. She would see how quickly Mrs Barr sold her house and try to find out how much she got for it. If the sale was a healthy one, then she would put her own cottage on the market. She would move back to London and start all over again in the PR business. She would try to lure Roy away from Pedmans. He was shaping up nicely.
    Although the news bulletins said the tar was melting on the streets of London under the heat, she saw it under rainy skies with the pavements glistening in the wet, reflecting the colours of the goods in the shop windows. She had become used to the international population of London, to the different-coloured faces, to the exotic restaurants. Here she was surrounded by Anglo-Saxon faces and Anglo-Saxon ways. The scandal of John Cartwright was over, she knew that. Already plans were being made for the annual village band concert, money to Famine Relief this time. Apart from sending money off to the distressed of the outside world, the villagers were not much concerned with anything that went on which disturbed the slow, easy tenor of their days. Suffocating! That’s what it was. Suffocating, thought Agatha, striking the arm of her chair.
    ‘Someone to see you,’ called one of the workmen.
    Agatha went into the house. Bill Wong was standing at the front door. ‘Come in,’ called Agatha. ‘Have they caught him?’
    ‘Not yet. See you’re getting every security system going.’
    ‘They’ve started, so they may as well finish,’ said Agatha. ‘Let’s hope it adds to the price of the house, for I mean to leave.’
    He followed her into the kitchen and sat down. ‘Leave? Why? Anyone else been trying to murder you?’
    ‘Not yet.’ Agatha sat down opposite him. ‘I’m bored.’
    ‘Some would think you were leading a very exciting life in the country.’
    ‘I don’t fit in here,’ said Agatha. ‘I mean to go back to London and start in business again.’
    His almond-shaped eyes studied her without expression. Then he said, ‘You know, you haven’t given it much time. It takes about two years to settle in anywhere. Besides, you’re a different person. Less prickly, less insensitive.’
    Agatha sniffed. ‘Weak, you mean. No, nothing will change my mind now. Why are you here?’
    ‘Just to ask after your health.’ He fished in the pocket of the