Agatha Raisin and the Wellspring of Death

their hands in your face and said, ‘I don’t want to die from passive smoking,’ and then they got in their cars and drove off, blasting carcinogens into the night air. The cigarette tasted foul. Come to think of it, all cigarettes tasted foul after the first three of the day. But come to think of it, too, just when one thought of giving up, some puritan would pop up to lecture sanctimoniously on the evils of nicotine and drive the will to stop farther away. The only time the cigarettes tasted just fine all day long was during the annual No Smoking Day. Funny that, mused Agatha. If they changed it to Smoke-Till-You-Drop Day, probably a lot more addicts would give up.
    ‘You can come in now,’ called James. ‘That’s the lot. They’re all coming.’
    Agatha rose and went back in.
    ‘What about food?’ he asked.
    ‘Normally I’d get people like Mrs Bloxby to help me,’ said Agatha, ‘but as we are supposed to be running this on behalf of the water company, we’d better hire a catering firm. We’ll have something like cold salmon and salad and strawberries and cream.’
    ‘The strawberries are past their best.’
    ‘People eat strawberries, no matter what. They like the idea. It’s like fish and chips. What a good idea, particularly on a cold night, you think, all warm and hot and golden and smelling divine. In fact, all you get is a sodden packet of greasy food which lies like lead in your stomach.’
    ‘What about tables and things?’
    ‘There’s only six of them and two of us – that’s eight. My kitchen table’s quite large and I’ll borrow a table from the school hall for the champagne. They can’t all be hard drinkers. A bottle a head is generous enough.’
    ‘Right. What I suggest is that you pay for the lot and let me know how much it comes to and I’ll pay half.’
    ‘I feel I might be able to get the water company to actually foot the bill. I didn’t press hard enough.’
    ‘Ah, but that would mean the Freemonts might attend as well, and the purpose of this party is to see how they act once they’re all together.’
    ‘I thought you suspected the Freemonts.’
    ‘I’ll get around to them.’
    Agatha looked at him thoughtfully. ‘So we’re back in business again, James.’
    ‘Mmm?’ He looked up from some notes he had been making. ‘Oh, yes, back in business.’
    ‘Don’t you feel any awkwardness?’
    ‘Don’t let’s get into that, Agatha.’
    No, thought Agatha, don’t let’s ever talk about feelings, about the times we made love, about the rows, about pain. Let’s just go on like a couple of bachelors interested in crime.
    ‘I’d better go and talk to Roy.’
    ‘You do that,’ he said cheerfully.
    Why did I say anything? mourned Agatha as she let herself into her cottage. I promised myself I wouldn’t. What else did I expect? A human response? From James ? Rats!
    Roy came clattering down the stairs. ‘How did you get on with lover boy?’
    ‘If you mean James, cut it out. They’re all coming.’
    ‘What about little me?’
    Agatha suddenly didn’t want Roy around. She was already planning what to wear.
    ‘Skip it this time, Roy,’ she said. ‘I’ll be too busy to cope with a house guest.’
    Roy looked hurt. ‘Be like that. But remember, I won’t always be at your beck and call when you need me.’
    ‘I thought your only interest in me was to further your career.’
    ‘I think I’ll get an earlier train if there is one.’ Roy looked offended.
    ‘We’ll have lunch. You can get the afternoon one.’
    It was a silent lunch.
    ‘Look,’ said Agatha, relenting over the coffee. ‘I haven’t been straight with you. I really do want James all to myself.’
    ‘Waste of space, sweetie.’
    ‘Perhaps.’ Agatha sighed. ‘Let’s not quarrel. I’ll drive you to Oxford. We’ll have a better choice of trains.’
    ‘You can do something to make up.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘I’ve always wanted to punt.’
    ‘What? At Oxford? On the river?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘All right. Finish your coffee and we’ll go now.’
    Agatha managed to find a parking place in the High and they walked down to Magdalen Bridge and down the steps at the side to the landing-stage.
    ‘I haven’t been here before,’ said Agatha. ‘I didn’t know the river would be so narrow here. And there are so many punts out. Are you sure you want to try this?’
    ‘Yes, yes.’ Roy gave an excited little skip. ‘I read about it in a Sunday supplement.’
    When they asked for a punt,