Alien Proliferation

someone we think we should be able to trust is untrustworthy, we spend all our efforts on figuring out her deal, when we should be paying attention to other things.”
    Tito came in during the middle of my little speech. “Yeah, there’s something else I really want us paying attention to.”

 
    CHAPTER 28
     
    T ITO LOOKED WORRIED.
    “What?” Jeff looked worried, too, now.
    Jamie started to cry. I got up, put her on my shoulder and did the Mommy Dance. All of the men were staring at me. “What?” I looked down. Nope, my clothes were on and my breasts weren’t leaking. Saw no issues.
    “Yeah,” Tito said. “See what I mean?”
    Jeff and Chuckie both nodded. Reader stopped leaning against the wall. All three men looked freaked. “I don’t see what you mean.”
    “Look in a mirror.” Tito didn’t make it sound like a suggestion.
    “Rather not, thanks. Last I checked I was down to moo-cow levels, and while that’s an improvement over hippo, I just don’t enjoy staring at myself looking like this.”
    “I didn’t really notice,” Jeff said, sounding confused.
    “You’ve been with her constantly.” Tito cocked his head. “I haven’t, but I’m seeing her enough to note the dramatic change.”
    “I still have my hair—right?”
    Reader grinned. “Thought bald was sexy.”
    “On Paul. And on you, when you were bald for, what, a week before your hair grew back? On girls it says militant or cancer patient.”
    “Yes, baby, your hair looks fine. Uh, let’s go into the bathroom.” Jeff got up, put his arm around me and walked me into the bedroom. “I want you to be really calm about this. In fact, let me hold Jamie.” He took the baby from me, leaned her on his shoulder and kept his other arm around me.
    “Is this supposed to be the Scare Kitty Hour?”
    “No.” He moved me in front of the mirror.
    I looked. Saw me. Whoo hoo. “So?” Jeff took the back of my shirt and pulled, so that it conformed to my body. “Again, so?”
    He sighed. “Baby, what’s wrong with this picture?”
    “Nothing. I look fine. I—” I stopped myself and stared. I looked more than fine. I looked pre-pregnancy, other than my breasts, which were still inflated to torpedo proportions. “Ummm . . . is it time to freak out or call Oprah and announce the best diet, ever, in the history of the world?”
    “No idea.” Jeff took my hand and led me back out to the living room. “Okay, Kitty’s on board with the news. What’s it mean?”
    Tito shook his head. “No idea.”
    Chuckie’s eyes were narrowed. “I think I have one.” He stood up. “Do some kung fu move on me.”
    “You’re kidding, right?”
    “No. I think I can block you.”
    I shrugged and did my personal fave, Crane Opens a Can of Whuppass. I did it nicely, since I didn’t want to kill or even hurt Chuckie. He was fast, but I was faster, and he was on the ground.
    I put my hand down. “Why?”
    He took it, and I could feel he was shaking as I pulled him up. “Martini, we need to run blood tests, right away. On all three of you.”
    Jeff was white. “No argument.”
    I looked to Reader. Wow, he was white, too. Tito wasn’t pale, but he had his Serious Doctor Face on, which was never a good sign. I didn’t like it when the most important men in my life were freaking out. All we needed was my dad to make it a full house.
    “What’s going on?”
    Tito shook his head. “No idea. At all. Your charts show the same thing. You’re back to pre-pregnancy status, other than your breasts, which are, thank God, making milk and acting normally. They’re the only part of your body that is.”
    “I’m defective?” It figured.
    “No.” Chuckie’s voice was shaking. “I think you’ve mutated.”
    “Oh, come on. I’m a human. I didn’t get hit with any radioactive juice or get zapped by gamma rays.”
    “No. You just were carrying the baby of a mutated alien for the last nine months.” Chuckie didn’t sound accusatory or angry. He sounded scared.
    “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Reynolds is right.” Jeff sounded more scared than Chuckie. He was clutching Jamie and she started to cry again.
    I took her from him and cuddled her, did the Mommy Dance, petted her back, and she calmed down. “Baby girl does not like it when her daddy freaks out, Jeff.” I looked at the others. “Or when Uncle James and Uncle Charles and Good Doctor Tito freak out. She doesn’t like that, either. Please calm down, guys, I mean it.”
    I