Always Watching

laughing and running down to the river. Robbie and Willow walked behind everyone, talking about something. I walked even slower, trying to hear what they were saying, but I couldn’t make anything out. Robbie glanced back at me once, his face unreadable.
    *   *   *
    At the river, everyone stripped off their clothes and dove in. Most of the members were naked, as usual, but some men wore jeans shorts, and a few women wore bikinis. Coyote, who was Levi’s father, was on the other side, climbing up the rock bluff at the end of the pool. Members called out, daring him to jump. Coyote, as wild as his name, would always take the highest dives into the river. He’d try to get Levi to join him, but Levi would only jump from the lower rocks, smiling when his father called him “chicken,” but I’d see the hurt in his eyes. Robbie could leap from the higher rocks, but when Levi was there, he’d stay at the same level.
    This day, I stayed on the commune side of the river with the other children, and, never a strong swimmer, I walked partway out, my knees numb in the cold water. Robbie was sunning himself on the shore on the far side, his shorts wet and his hair dripping. He shook his head like a dog, sending droplets onto Willow, who was nearby with the other women and my mother. She scooped up some water and threw it at him, the spray sparkling in the sun.
    Coyote, almost at the top of the cliff, where an old log jutted out, stopped to howl. We all laughed, then fell silent when he crawled out onto the log. Levi, who’d been with the group of girls, made his way toward his father, his long legs flashing white as he jumped from rock to rock.
    Coyote crawled farther out on the log, which was precariously balanced over the river. It wobbled for a moment, then righted itself. The group below let out a gasp. His wife, Heidi, called up, “Coyote, come down!”
    He grinned, checked that we were all still watching, and crawled out another couple of inches.
    Robbie stood with his shoulders tense and his hand across his brow, blocking the sun. As Levi started to climb the cliff behind his father, his foot knocked a small rock off a ledge. It bounced, hitting against the cliff on its way down, splashing into the water. Coyote, distracted by the sound, turned in its direction, shifting his body weight. There was an audible crack as the log began to break away from the bank. Heidi let out a scream as Levi yelled, “Dad!”
    Coyote plunged into the water, the log crashing in on top of him. Levi scrambled back down the cliff. The other members, Robbie in the lead, were all swimming toward the spot where Coyote had disappeared. Robbie dove down. He came up, motioned for help, then Levi dove in beside him. They were down for so long that I began to sob, great gasping gulps of air. Finally Robbie came up, Coyote’s limp body under his arm. Levi popped up next. They swam to the shore, pulling Coyote behind them. When they’d gotten him up on the rocks, Willow crouched down, motioning everyone back. Heidi was screaming. Robbie and Willow worked feverishly on Coyote: Willow giving mouth-to-mouth and Robbie doing chest compressions. Willow stopped, said something to Robbie.
    Still standing in the water, my entire body shaking, I saw Coyote’s head roll to the side, his hand limp and his mouth open, blood dripping from a gash in his forehead. Aaron was now running down the hill with Joseph, drawn to the screaming. When they got to the other side, Aaron tried to find Coyote’s pulse, put his ear to his mouth. Then he looked at us and said, “He’s dead.”
    Aaron and Robbie lifted Coyote and carried him back to the commune, laying him on the table. We gathered around, somber and quiet, some weeping. Heidi just moaned in broken grief. Water dripped off Coyote’s wet jeans shorts, pooling around his body. He was the first dead person I’d ever seen.
    Aaron motioned us to come closer as he stood at the head of the table. His face was grave and his eyes damp. “We’ve lost a member of our family, and I know you’re sad—I am too, I loved Coyote. But I promise you that he’s in a better place.” He looked at Levi, who was staring at his father’s body, rivulets of water from his wet hair mixing with tears and dripping down his face. Aaron clasped him on the shoulder. “Coyote’s not gone. His energy’s all around us.” He looked at the group. “But so are the negative energies that caused his accident.” The group made