Always Watching

confused whispers, unsure of what Aaron meant. He said, “One of the members denied my vision, and so we’ve been punished.”
    Now everyone got it. Subtle tones of anger waved out toward Willow as they made the connection. Willow stepped back, looking fearful for the first time.
    Aaron stared at her for a moment and turned away. “We need to learn from this, or we won’t be able to ascend to the next spiritual level and join our brother. Coyote has given us a great gift. We shouldn’t grieve. We should be thankful.”
    The commune murmured excitedly. We’d witnessed death, but Aaron’s belief that Coyote’s spirit was still alive gave us hope, and we grasped at it. No one wanted to face that we’d never see Coyote again.
    He said, “Now let’s get back to work, and later in meditation, some of you may be able to connect with Coyote.” He focused in on Willow. “We’ll talk about your spiritual path after meditation.”
    She nodded, her face concerned.
    *   *   *
    The police came and took statements, the coroner leaving with Coyote’s body. A couple of hours later, Heidi miscarried. For the rest of the day, the commune was in turmoil, speaking in hushed voices, anxious for our next Satsang, and avoiding Willow. None of them wanted to end up like Coyote and Heidi.
    Aaron had taken Willow into his cabin for a private meditation, and when they emerged, Aaron announced that Willow was now ready to “accept his visions.” Willow agreed, but she still looked troubled.
    The next afternoon, I noticed Willow frowning again during our Sunday spiritual class when Aaron reminded us that we had to share all our belongings or we weren’t truly living as a family. Many of the members went to their tents and brought out belongings, swapping with other members, thanking them with smiles and hugs. After dinner, Aaron sent the group for our reflective walk but said that Willow was going to stay behind and meditate on her lesson from the day before. Joseph came with us, but Aaron was also going to stay and tend the animals.
    As I followed the group up the trail, I glanced back and noticed Willow and Robbie talking at the edge of the forest. Then Robbie spun around and headed toward the logging road that led away from the commune. I caught a movement by the barn and realized that Aaron had been watching. Willow walked toward the river. Aaron followed. I wanted to sneak down to the commune and see what they were doing, but when I looked back up the hill, my mother was motioning for me.
    The members splintered off into little groups, or found a quiet spot to meditate alone. Joseph drifted into the woods. One member was always appointed to stay back at camp and ring the chimes, signaling that our reflection walk was over. Aaron had said he’d do it. This time he left us to meditate for a long time, and when we got back it was getting dark. The group decided to have a late swim. I noticed that Willow and Robbie were missing, but Aaron joined us at the river. After the children were sent to their cabin, I stayed awake, worried about Robbie. I tried to make out voices at the campfire and could hear Aaron, and once in a while my mother and other members, but I still couldn’t hear Robbie.
    The next day at breakfast, I was excited to see that Robbie was back, but when I ran toward him, I realized something was wrong and stopped as though an invisible wall had slammed down between us. His skin was pale, his hair messy, damp tendrils sticking to his forehead. His eyes were also red-rimmed and bloodshot. And he was holding his hands funny, like they hurt, the knuckles skinned. I wondered where he’d been all night. Then my next thought was, He should ask Willow for some salve. When I glanced around, I couldn’t see her.
    Everyone gathered for our morning meditation, but before Aaron started leading us through the chants, he motioned us closer and told us that Willow had left early that morning. “I tried to talk her out of going, but she wouldn’t listen. She said she was tired of being in one place and wanted to travel again.”
    When Aaron sent everyone off to meditate and clear the bad feelings that Willow’s abrupt departure had created, I snuck to her tent, searching for a note, an explanation, something. All I found was a hand-sewn patchwork bag tucked under her pillow. Inside were a few items of clothing and homemade toiletries.
    Aaron came in after me. “What are you doing in here?”
    I clutched her