Always Watching

tried to warn Lisa, but she wouldn’t listen, said they were going to help her.”
    The irony wasn’t lost on me, the drug addict warning my daughter about what wasn’t good for her. I wondered if she’d offered her a hit at the same time.
    “Thanks for the information.” I pulled one of my cards out of my pocket and held it out. “If you see her, or if those people come back, call me at this number, please. There’s a reward if the information helps find her.” She snatched the card, peered at it like she was trying to read the words, then tucked it quickly into her armpit, her eyes darting around as if someone might steal it from her.
    *   *   *
    As soon as I was back in my car, I searched my contacts in my iPhone and found Daniel. I didn’t know if his phone was still in service, but he picked up on the first ring.
    “Daniel, it’s Dr. Lavoie. I was wondering if you’re back at the center.”
    “No, I’m still finishing that job. They paid me in advance and—”
    “I might need your help.” My words rushed out, pushing past all normal pleasantries. “Lisa, my daughter, I think she’s at River of Life.” I heard the name repeat in my head, still couldn’t believe Lisa might be in that place, with Aaron.
    A long silence.
    I stared back at the run-down building.
    “Are you sure?” he said at last.
    “No, and that’s what I need to find out.” I gnawed my lower lip, bit it hard. How long had Lisa been using again? It was hard to know if she’d suffer severe withdrawal symptoms. “She’s not well and might need medical treatment. I thought, if you were at the center, or if you knew how to reach anyone inside.”
    “Is she sick?”
    I didn’t want to share about her addiction. “She’s just gone through a health scare recently, and I want to make sure she’s okay.”
    “They don’t give out information about members.”
    “So I’ve been told. If you called, would they tell you if she was there?”
    “They wouldn’t tell anyone. The whole center runs on the principle that people can leave their past behind and start again.”
    Frustration made my voice sound angry as I said, “People should be able to contact someone inside. What if there’s an emergency?”
    “You could leave a message.”
    “I’ve been told that members are discouraged from communicating with the outside world, family or friends.”
    “That’s true. It’s better they stay focused on the workshop. But if you leave a message, and she doesn’t call back, then you know she’s happy there.”
    If she didn’t call back, more likely it was because she didn’t want to speak to me. But how would I know if she actually got the message?
    Daniel said, “She might not even like it. Lots of people aren’t ready for the program and leave after the first weekend. Nobody’s held against their will.”
    He sounded confused, like he didn’t understand why I was so worried. He was right, in some ways. Technically, Lisa could leave any time, but I knew that fasting and no sleep could change someone’s perceptions of reality.
    “Maybe, but I’d feel a lot better if I at least knew if she was in there, or still on the streets. If I were to go there myself, what might happen?”
    Daniel said, “The registration office is closed at night, but they wouldn’t tell you anything anyway. You’d probably have to make an appointment with Aaron.”
    I thought about the report I’d just made with the police, wondered if Aaron would even speak to me and what it might do to my case if he did.
    I said, “I don’t think he’ll see me. Do you have any other ideas? I’d feel a lot better if I knew she was okay.”
    Another long, echoing silence. Finally, he said, “Give me a couple of days to finish this job, then when I move back, I’ll see if she’s there.”
    Despite my desire for knowledge of Lisa, I was still concerned Daniel was making a mistake. “Did you think over everything we spoke about?”
    “I’m still going back.” He sounded defensive, then grudging. “If I see her, I’ll let you know.”
    “Thank you,” I said. “I really appreciate this, Daniel.”
    There was silence, then he hung up.
    *   *   *
    After I ended the call, I sat in my car for a while, watching people come and go from the house, debating my options. If I went to the center and made a scene, would they let me see Lisa? Not likely. Even if I did speak to her, would she leave? I thought of how she had forced me out of the