...And Never Let HerGo

that she was not.
    Anne Marie also thought she was concealing her anorexia, although that was a secret she could not hide. By wearing loose and layered clothing, she could almost disguise her gaunt rib cage, but her image of herself was so distorted that she saw a heavy woman with fat thighs when she looked in a mirror; other people gasped when they saw how thin she had become.
    Robert knew, and Tom; and Jill Morrison was worried sickabout her. Anne Marie hadn’t seen Kim for a while, and Jennifer was up in New England. Her brother Brian was startled to see how thin she had become when he saw Anne Marie during a get-together at Kathleen’s house. “She didn’t look good, and I asked her about it,” Brian recalled. She admitted to him that she was having some difficulty in that area. “But she was a little cryptic about it because my nephews were around, and there were some other people in the house, so she didn’t want to talk about it a lot that day.”
    Anne Marie assured Brian that she was talking to someone about her problem with food. “She told me that she was getting help for it,” he said.
    She told her other friends that she thought she was gaining a few pounds. But still, she took the laxatives every night to rid herself of the few calories she had managed to eat during the day. Amazingly, whereas most women on such a starvation diet completely shut down, her menstrual periods continued as always.
    Meanwhile, Tom’s E-mail to her was written in such a light and witty style that an outsider might never see the control creeping in. Her replies were equally lighthearted and casual.
    She was handling Tom well, she thought. She might even be able to have dinner with him and not have to worry that he would misunderstand.
    “Hey,” Tom E-mailed on May 3. “It’s 2:30 and I ain’t heard from ya so I was wondering what was up. Please give me a call or e-mail me when you get a chance. Is there a good time to call you? Hope you’re having a good day, but my guess is you’re not. Think mussels . . . in a white sauce.”
    M OST of Tom’s E-mail had a line or two about menus, restaurants, eating. He would not let up about food, mentioning it so often that Anne Marie almost gagged. He continually asked her to go to dinner with him at one or another of the restaurants where they had once dined. It made her sick to think of it.
    Anne Marie tried to convey to Tom what she had learned from Dr. Sullivan. “Please do not worry about me,” she E-mailed.
    Hey, I’m scared to death that I am killing myself, and that’s a very positive thing, because I am forced to do something to make myself better. It’s a kind of a bittersweet device. . . . Tommy, I know you want to feed me, but believe it or not, it’s not the right answer. I have learned through Michelle and a lot of reading that the more someone tries to get you to eat, the less interested and more determinedyou become to do just the opposite. I almost sent myself to St. Francis [hospital] yesterday morning because of how weak I felt. Believe me, Tommy, when I tell you all of this is good for me, because for the first time I am afraid that I am killing myself. . . . I’m ready to tackle this problem I have. I know all you want to do is help, and it’s greatly appreciated, but I also need some time alone to work out a lot of stuff. I hope you understand all this mumbo. Anne Marie
    Tom would not give her any time alone. He sent presents. He sent food packages, which she swept into the wastebasket of her office. He made dinner reservations for them for Memorial Day weekend, even after Anne Marie told him she was going away for the holiday. Her replies to Tom’s messages were one sentence long and, for her, worded strongly. Dr. Sullivan was helping her to say no and stick to it.
    A NNE M ARIE finally told Mike a bit more about her anorexia and he was very supportive. They planned to visit Mike’s family over the Memorial Day weekend. Anne Marie both welcomed and dreaded the trip. She didn’t feel very well and knew that she was growing weaker.
    Just before Memorial Day, Tom dropped into Kim Horstman’s office at the Smith Barney brokerage firm in Philadelphia, reminding her who he was. She
knew;
she was the one friend Anne Marie had confided everything to. Kim had not seen Tom since she and Anne Marie went to dinner with him at DiLullo’s two years earlier. He asked to take her to dinner so they could talk about Anne Marie. “He said he was in town