Apocalypsis 01 - Kahayatle

da jawbreakers, dough.”
    “You almost got killed, you stupid jerk.”
    “What happened back there?” asked Peter, coming up to ride on my other side.   “One minute I was standing there in a totally silent parking lot, and the next thing I knew you two were running out, yelling, and someone was shooting a gun.”
    I was still angry enough to sound enthusiastic when I told the story.   “Well, ding-a-ling here decided to break into the Cracker Barrel which was the home of Sissy and Jimmy Redneck - Sissy carrying the fetus of a cannibal rapist and Jimmy being in a wheelchair; and in the process of relieving them of some of their candy, managed to get himself caught.”
    “It wass awesome.   Bryn came in dare and threatened to shoot dat Jimmy guy, and dey let me go.   And dey let me take da candiess too.”
    “I appreciate the gesture, Bodo, as I’m sure Bryn does, but really, that kind of risk is only going to get you or one of us killed.”
    “Yeah.   What Peter just said.   Times ten,” I added.
    “Yes, okay.   It wass stupid, I admit dat.   I won’t do it again.   I just wanted to do something nice for you guyss, since you’re doing so many nice thingks for me.”
    “Next time, just offer me a foot rub or something instead,” I said.
    “Really?” he asked.
    “No.   Not really.   Stay away from my feet, weirdo.”
    “So where are we going … I mean, what’s the plan for tonight?” asked Peter.
    “Well, since we’ve gotten an earlier start than I had originally planned, I figured we’d just ride until we can’t anymore.”
    “I don’t know if I can make it until eleven again,” warned Peter.   “That’s, like, twelve hours straight of riding.”
    “Why don’t we go for a few hours, stop and have a meal, maybe a little nap, and then go some more?” I suggested.
    “Works for me,” said Peter, sighing.   “I’m going to be really glad when we get to our final destination.   I hate riding bikes.   I didn’t before, but I do now.”
    “Me too,” I agreed.  
    “How will we know when we’re dare?” asked Bodo.
    “I haven’t figured that part out yet,” I admitted.   “When we get closer we should look for a tourist shop that has maps and stuff, and pick a spot.   I hope we can find a place that has canoes nearby.   Then we can take a few of them and go out into the Everglades until we find the right place.”
    “Da Everglades iss a really big place.”
    “Yes, I know.   But it’s made up of lots of different kinds of terrains and stuff.   We have to find an area that has trees for cover and dry land to build a shelter on.”
    “And there has to be a lot of game or whatever.   Or fish,” added Peter.
    “I read in da newsspaper, dat dare are snakes so big out dare, dey can eat a deer,” said Bodo in his best spooky voice.   “Dit you know, dat deer are bigger dan people?”
    “Shut up, Bodo,” I said, quickly losing patience with him.   First he scares the crap out of me, making me think he’s going to get killed, then he tries to freak me out about man-eating snakes.
    “No, he’s right.   I read that, too,” said Peter.   “Some people apparently either lost their constrictor snakes or purposely set them free out there, and without any natural predators they’ve gotten huge.   I saw a picture of a giant yellow one.   It was freaky.   As long as a car … or longer.”
    I refused to panic about something I hadn’t yet seen with my own eyes.   “All that means is a bigger meal for us, as far as I’m concerned.”
    “We’re gonna eat snakes?” asked Bodo, clearly excited about the prospect.
    “Why not?” I asked.   “It’s meat, isn’t it?”
    “Dat’s so cool.   Who’s gonna catch it?”
    “You.   That’s your job.   Snake wrangler.”
    “Awesome,” he said.   I think he really meant it, too.
    “Smooth,” said Peter, quietly, so only I’d hear.
    I smiled, pretty proud of myself.   “Never doubt my skills, Peter.   Never.”
    “Oh, I won’t.   Believe me.”
    “I think we should try to eat gator too.   We can use dare hides to make shoess.”
    “Yeah, you work on that, Bodo.   You can be our snake wrangling, alligator wrestling, cobbler.”
    “I know you’re mocking me, Bryn, but I can do it.   You’ll see.”
    “Good.   I hope you can, because I have no interest whatsoever in doing any of that.”
    “What are you going to do?” asked Bodo.   “I have my chob now.   What’s yours and