Baltimore 03 - Did You Miss Me?

despair.
    ‘Ford’s a man now, Daphne,’ Joseph said. ‘There are some things he’s got to get through on his own. When my wife died I pulled into myself. I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want anyone to speak to me, even my parents. I had to lick my wounds and move on. This is worse than a death for Ford, in some ways. He’s just found Kim isn’t the girl he thought she was. He has to lick his wounds. Find his dignity.’
    ‘I know. I guess it’s not my job to spare him from it.’ He wasn’t sure if the subtle edge to her words was meant for him or for herself.
    ‘No, it’s not. But it’s your job to want to spare him from it. You’re his mother. That’s what good mothers do. Better mothers step back and give their sons room to grow.’
    ‘I guess I got used to being the one he depended on,’ she said in a small voice.
    ‘He hasn’t rejected you. He’ll always need you. But pain is part of life and he has to learn to face the pain without your help.’ He kissed her ear. ‘Knowing you’re there if he does need you is sustaining him right now. He’s working with a safety net. You.’
    ‘Thank you,’ she said, her voice breaking. ‘That helps. It really does.’ She swiped her fingertips under her eyes, then cleared her throat. ‘What would help me more is to stab Kimberly in the eye with a really big knife, but . . .’
    He chuckled. ‘But you can’t have everything. You’re a fearsome woman. I like that.’
    ‘Not a monster?’ It was asked uncertainly and he sobered. Sighed.
    ‘Daphne, I’m sorry. I was shocked when you knew Beckett’s name. But I never thought you were a monster. I was angry that you’d had to go through that. That any of this ugliness touched you. That there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to make the past go away. But never once did I think you were a monster.’
    Her expression reflected in the window glass was one of abject misery. ‘I wonder how many he took,’ she whispered.
    ‘However many it is, they’re not your responsibility.’
    ‘Try telling that to their mothers and fathers. Try telling that to myself. He went free for seven years before I reported him.’
    ‘Seven years that he terrorized you with mind games.’
    ‘I always thought that he’d picked Kelly because she was Vivien’s daughter, that he knew we were coming or that Kelly might have even arranged it. I never once thought he’d do the same to anyone else. Why didn’t I think of that?’
    ‘Because you were a child. A little girl who was forced to grow up way too soon.’
    ‘I know. But I can’t stop thinking of all those parents standing at the window waiting for their daughters to come home. Not knowing where Ford was for a day nearly broke my mind. How have these parents borne the pain for all these years?’
    ‘You’re assuming there were others between Kelly and Heather.’
    ‘Aren’t you?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘I don’t want their blood to be on my hands, Joseph. But it is.’
    ‘No, it’s not. It’s on the hands of whoever declared Beckett dead twenty years ago. That could have been Beckett, faking his own death. It could simply have been a clerical error, but you didn’t make it. You told what you knew, honey. It’s not your fault that Beckett somehow managed to cheat the system. We’ll find out how. And if it was Beckett who’s responsible for the deception, we’ll make him pay. If it was an honest clerical error . . . I wouldn’t want to be in that clerk’s shoes because they’ll feel as culpable as you do now.’
    ‘Can we contact Agent Baker? Ask her who she talked to when she investigated?’
    ‘I’ve sent a request to the DC field office for the report she filed when she closed the case and for her to contact me, day or night. It’ll probably be morning before I hear anything, though.’
    ‘I hope by morning it isn’t too late, for Kim and her sister. And for Heather. She could still be alive. How can finding one cabin be so hard?’
    They’d received word that the teams had aborted their search for the evening. The dogs had lost Ford’s scent as they backtracked his path.
    ‘They’ll try again tomorrow at first light. They won’t give up.’
    ‘They may not have a choice. Look at that snow. It’s erasing everything. And what if Beckett’s gone back to the cabin already? He’ll kill her.’
    ‘If he goes back to the cabin he’ll be seen. The Bureau has all the roads into that wildlife management area under