Best Kept Secret

of your peroration. Despite this, when
Fisher returned to his seat he was rewarded with prolonged applause from his supporters.
    Giles was surprised when Reg Ellsworthy rose to present the Liberal case. He didn’t have a prepared speech, or even a list of headings to remind him what subjects he should concentrate on.
Instead, he chatted about local issues, and when the one-minute bell went, he stopped in the middle of a sentence and returned to his seat. Ellsworthy had achieved something Giles would have
thought impossible; he’d made Fisher look good. Nevertheless, a fifth of those assembled still cheered their champion.
    Giles rose to a warm reception from his two hundred supporters, although large sections of the crowd sat on their hands. Something he’d become familiar with whenever he addressed the
government benches. He stood by the side of the lectern, only occasionally glancing at his notes.
    He began by describing the Conservatives’ failures in office, and outlining what the Labour Party’s policies would be should it form the next government. He then touched on local
issues, and even managed a dig about pavement politics at the expense of the Liberals, which brought laughter from the packed hall. By the time he’d come to the end of his speech, at least
half the audience were applauding. If the meeting had ended then, there would have been only one winner.
    ‘The candidates will now take questions from the floor,’ announced the bishop, ‘and I hope this will be done in a respectful and orderly manner.’
    Thirty of Giles’s supporters leapt up and threw their hands in the air, all of them with well-prepared questions calculated to assist their candidate and undermine the other two. The only
problem was that sixty other equally determined hands also shot up at the same time.
    The bishop was astute enough to have identified where the three different blocks of supporters were sitting, and skilfully selected non-partisan members of the general public who wanted to know
such things as where the candidates stood on the introduction of parking meters in Bristol, which gave the Liberal candidate a chance to shine; the end of rationing, which they all approved of; and
the proposed extension of the electrification of the railways, which didn’t advance anyone’s cause.
    But Giles knew that eventually an arrow would be shot in his direction, and he would have to make sure it didn’t hit the target. Finally he heard the bow twang.
    ‘Could Sir Giles explain why he visited Cambridge more times during the last parliament than he did his own constituency?’ asked a tall, thin, middle-aged man, whom Giles thought he
recognized.
    Giles sat still for a moment while he composed himself. He was just about to rise from his place when Fisher shot up, clearly not surprised by the question, while assuming everyone present knew
exactly what the questioner was alluding to.
    ‘Let me assure everyone in this hall,’ he said, ‘that I will be spending far more time in Bristol than in any other city, whatever the distractions.’
    Giles looked down to see rows of blank faces. It seemed the audience had no idea what Fisher was talking about.
    The Liberal candidate rose next. He clearly missed the point, because all he had to say was, ‘Being an Oxford man, I never visit the other place unless I have to.’
    A few people laughed.
    Giles’s two opponents had supplied him with the ammunition to fire back. He stood and turned to face Fisher.
    ‘I feel bound to ask Major Fisher, if he intends to spend more time in Bristol than in any other city, does that mean that were he to win next Thursday, he won’t be going up to
London to take his seat in the House of Commons?’
    Giles paused to wait for the laughter and applause to die down, before adding, ‘I’m sure I don’t have to remind the Conservative candidate of the words of Edmund Burke.
“I was elected to represent the people of Bristol in Westminster, not the people of Westminster in Bristol.” That’s one Conservative I’m wholeheartedly in agreement
with.’ Giles sat down to sustained applause. Although he knew he hadn’t really answered the question, he felt he’d got away with it.
    ‘I think there’s time for just one more question,’ said the bishop, and pointed to a woman seated in the middle of the hall about halfway back, who he felt confident was
neutral.
    ‘Can each of the three candidates tell us where their wives are