Big Breasts & Wipe Hips: A Novel

the man with the eye problem nearly flew down the road our way, fell to his knees beneath the window, banged his head on the ground as if he were mashing garlic stalks, and intoned repeatedly: “Great Fairy, forgive me, Great Fairy, forgive me …” His pleas for forgiveness drew mocking laughter from Third Sister inside the room. Eventually, we learned that when the garrulous man was on the road home, a hawk swooped down out of the sky and dug its talons into his head, before flying off with his cap in its clutches. Then there was a man with mischief on his mind who knelt outside the window pretending to be suffering from urethritis. The Bird Fairy asked through the window, “What ails you?” The man said, “When I urinate, it feels like I’m passing ice cubes.” Suddenly the room went silent, as if the Bird Fairy had left out of embarrassment. The lewd, daring man put his eye up to the hole in the window, but before he could see a thing, he shrieked in agony as a monstrous scorpion fell from the window onto his neck and stung him. His neck swelled up immediately, and then his face, until his eyes were mere slits, like those of a salamander.
    The Bird Fairy had used her mystical powers to punish that terrible man, to the boisterous delight of the good people and the enhancement of her own reputation. In the days that followed, the pilgrims coming to be cured of ailments or have their fortunes told spoke with accents from far-off places. When Mother asked around, she learned that some had come from as far away as the Eastern Sea, and others from the Northern Sea. When she asked how they had heard about the mystical powers of the Bird Fairy, they stood there wide-eyed, not knowing what to say. They emitted a salty odor, which, Mother informed us, was the smell of the ocean. The pilgrims slept on the ground in our compound as they waited patiently. The Bird Fairy followed a schedule of her own devising: Once she had seen ten pilgrims, she retired for the day, bringing a deathly silence to the eastern side room. Mother sent Fourth Sister over with fresh water; when she entered, Third Sister came out. Then Fifth Sister went in with food, and Fourth Sister came out. This stream of girls entering and leaving dazzled the eyes of the pilgrims, who could not tell which of the girls was the actual Bird Fairy.
    When Third Sister separated herself from the Bird Fairy, she was just another girl, albeit one with a number of unusual expressions and movements. She seldom spoke, squinted most of the time, preferred squatting to standing, drank plain water and thrust out her neck with each swallow, just like a bird. She didn’t eat any sort of grain, but then, neither did we, since there wasn’t any. The pilgrims brought offerings suited to the habits of a bird: locusts, silkworm chrysalises, aphids, scarab beetles, and fireflies. Some also came with vegetarian fare, such as sesame seeds, pine nuts, and sunflower seeds. Of course, we gave it all to Third Sister; what she didn’t eat was divided up among Mother, my other sisters, and the little Sima heir. My sisters, wonderful daughters all, would get red in the face over trying to present their silkworm chrysalises to others. Mother’s supply of milk was decreasing, though the quality remained high. It was during those squawking days that Mother tried to wean me from breast-feeding, but she abandoned the idea when it became clear that I’d cry myself into the grave before I’d give it up.
    To express their gratitude for the boiled water and other conveniences we supplied and, far more importantly, for the Bird Fairy’s successes in freeing them from their cares and worries, the pilgrims from the oceans left a burlap sack filled with dried fish for us upon their departure. We were moved more than words can say, and saw our visitors all the way to the river. It was then that we saw dozens of thick-masted fishing boats at anchor in the slow-flowing Flood Dragon River. In the long history of the Flood Dragon River, no more than a few wooden rafts had ever been seen on the river; they were used to cross the river when it flooded. But because of the Bird Fairy, the Flood Dragon River had become a branch of vast oceans. It was the early days of the tenth month, and strong northwestern winds sliced across the river. The seagoing people boarded their boats, raised their patched gray sails, and sailed out into the middle of the river. Their rudders stirred up so much mud that the