Birdy

way, right under their noses, and they’re only used for about two or three years at the most. I’ve watched lots of tits and Al has tried to show me the difference between good tits and poor tits. It’s mostly a difference in volume and pointedness. Looking in the National Geographics, I can see they’re not much different from what a goat or a cow has; just a bit more inconvenient.
    All the way back from the tux rental place, Al is raving on. He knows I can ‘make’ this girl. He means he thinks she’ll let me fuck her. He knows two guys who ‘had’ her. That’s supposed to be exciting. I know Doris Robinson. She’s an ordinary girl with regular legs, regular ass and slightly more than regular tits. Doris doesn’t look as if she could ever fly under any conditions. She’s a small tomedium size reddish-colored cinnamon with freckles. My mother would like to see me going to the Junior Prom with a girl who looks like Doris. Al wants to see me go to the Prom with Doris. Al wants me to get fucked. I don’t know what my mother wants.
    Dressed up in the tux, I look like one of Mr Lincoln’s black birds. I feel like a freak taking the bus to where Doris lives. Thank God, I’m not carrying any crappy orchid. All evening long I’m going to have to dance with an orchid under my nose. Orchids smell like death to me. There’s a moldy, mushroomy, damp smell like an old coffin; and on top, there’s a soft perfumy smell. Together, it’s the smell of an embalmed corpse.
    I think I’m going to have that orchid under my nose all night, but that’s not the way it turns out. When I get to Doris’s address, it’s a big single house in the fancy part of Girard Hill. I walk up the driveway and knock. Her mother opens the door. I introduce myself and she lets me in. Who the hell else was she expecting to walk up the driveway in a penguin costume? Mrs Robinson is all dressed up and wearing so much perfume I think for a minute she’s the one I’m dragging to the prom.
    ‘Doris will be right down. Won’t you sit over here, please?’
    She practically pushes me into a chair just inside the living room at the bottom of the stairs and then leaves the room. I’ve been ushered into my seat for the grand entrance. I wait. I start thinking of Perta. I’d love to tell her about all this. It’s too bad this is so far from anything she knows. She’d never understand. Even if she could understand, she wouldn’t believe it.
    Then Doris comes down the stairs. It’s Gone With the Wind again. She comes down three steps, then pauses when she sees me. She looks at the chair where I’m sitting, smiles an Olivia de Havilland-Melanie smile, then comes down the rest of the stairs quickly, without bouncing, like she’s on a sliding board. I get up.
    She’s twisting her hips back and forth to make the dress stand out. It makes a stiff crackling pigeon noise. Then her mother comes back into the room. She’s carrying the box with the orchid in it. She tells me it’s been in the refrigerator to keep it fresh. That’s as good a place as any for something that smells dead. I begin to realizethey probably bought this house for that staircase so Doris could come sliding down it on occasion.
    The mother is holding up the orchid for me to admire. It’s big as a pigeon and shaped like a pigeon, too, a pigeon taking a dust bath. She hands me the flower and a long pin. They’re both ice cold. I’m supposed to pin this flower on Doris.
    Right here I notice there’s no place under my nose to pin this thing. That is, if I’m not going to pin it through bare, raw, freckled flesh.
    I stand there, holding the pin in one hand and the flower in the other. I could stick it right through what looks like it might be one of her nipples but what I think is a piece of rubber. Doris has big tits but in this dress they bulge out past her elbows. There’s such a space between them, I know if I get the right angle I can see through to the floor.
    Apparently, pinning is one detail they hadn’t worked out. The mother starts giggling. Doris turns a sort of salmon color and the freckles get darker. The mother moves in and pins the flower on her waist. Now it looks as if she has a monster vine creeping up on her from behind. I wonder where I’m supposed to put my hand when we dance.
    Now, the father comes in. He’s a pale, tired-looking man. He puts a silk cape over Doris’s shoulders and gives her the keys to the car. He also gives all kinds of