Birthright

than it is for a woman. For a mother. I know Doug’s twisted up about it, but he’s able to stay level.”
    “You and he got a thing going?”
    “Hmm. The definition of ‘thing’ is still nebulous, but yes. I think we do. Is that a problem?”
    “Not for me. It’s just weird, just one more strange connection. I pick a lawyer who’s got a thing going with my birth brother. I cop what could be one of the mostimportant projects of my career. First my ex-husband gets hauled into it, then I find out I was born almost within spitting distance of where I’m working. My biological mother happens to be the driving force behind my favorite chocolate chip cookies and person or persons unknown throw murder and mayhem into the mix. Any one of those factors would be strange. But put them all together and—”
    “A clusterfuck.”
    “Doesn’t have the same ring when you say it, but yeah, there you go. Get that list from Suzanne,” Callie said after a moment. “It’s time to segment this project and start some serious digging.”
    S uzanne listened to everything Lana had to say. She served tea and coffee cake. She provided a neatly organized computer-generated list of names from the past. She remained absolutely calm as she showed Lana to the door.
    Then she whirled around at Jay. “I asked you to be here this morning because Lana said it was important to speak with both of us. Then you say nothing. You contribute nothing.”
    “What did you want me to say? What did you want me to do? You’d already taken care of everything.”
    “Yes, I took care of everything. Just like always.”
    “You wouldn’t let me help. Just like always.”
    She balled her hands into fists, then walked past him toward the kitchen. “Just go, Jay. Just go.”
    He nearly did. She’d said that to him years before. Just go, Jay. And he had. But this time he strode after her, taking her arm as they reached the kitchen.
    “You shut me out then, and you’re shutting me out now. And after you do, you look at me with disgust. What do you want, Suzanne? All I’ve ever tried to do is give you what you want.”
    “I want my daughter back! I want Jessie.”
    “You can’t have her.”
    “You can’t, because you won’t do anything about it.You barely spoke to her in Lana’s office. You never touched her.”
    “She didn’t want me to touch her. Do you think, do you really think that this isn’t killing me?”
    “I think you wrote her off a long time ago.”
    “That’s bullshit. I grieved, Suzanne, and I hurt. But you didn’t see, you didn’t hear. There was nothing for you but Jessie. You couldn’t be my wife, you couldn’t be my lover. You couldn’t even be my friend because you were too determined to be her mother.”
    The words were like quick, sharp arrows thudding into her heart. He’d never said this sort of thing to her before. Never looked so angry, so hurt. “You were a grown man. You were her father. ” She wrenched free and began to gather the tea things with shaking hands. “You closed off from me when I needed you most.”
    “Maybe I did. But so did you. I needed you, too, Suzanne, and you weren’t there for me. I wanted to try to keep what we had together, and you were willing to sacrifice it all for what we lost.”
    “She was my baby.”
    “Our baby. Goddamnit, Suze, our baby.”
    Her breath began to hitch. “You wanted to replace her.”
    He stepped back as if she’d slapped him. “That’s a stupid thing to say. Stupid and cruel. I wanted to have another child with you. Not a replacement. I wanted to be a family again. I wanted my wife, and you wouldn’t let me touch you. We lost our daughter, Suzanne. But I lost my wife, too. I lost my best friend, I lost my family. I lost everything.”
    She swiped at tears. “There’s no point in this. I need to go out and see Jessica—Callie.”
    “No, you’re not.”
    “What are you talking about? Didn’t you hear what Lana said? She’s been hurt.”
    “I heard what she said. She also said that people are starting to talk, and this is going to put her in a difficult position. You go out there to the site, people see you, and you’re just adding fuel to the gossip.”
    “I don’t care if people gossip. She’s my daughter. Why shouldn’t people know it?”
    “Because she cares, Suzanne. Because if you go out there you’ll push her that much further away. Because if you don’t wait for her to come to you, if you don’t let her draw the lines