Blue Smoke

women almost from the beginning. He just used to . . . He used to care enough to keep it from me. To be discreet. To at least pretend he loved me. Now, he doesn’t bother. He goes out two, three nights a week. When I confront him, he tells me to go shopping, to get off his back.”
    “You don’t have to tolerate this, Bella.”
    “And my choices are?” she asked bitterly.
    “If he’s sleeping with other women, if he’s not honoring your marriage, you should leave him.”
    “And be the first in this family to divorce?”
    “He’s cheating on you.”
    “He was cheating on me. When you cheat you at least try to hide it. Now he’s just flaunting it, throwing it in my face. I tried to talk to his mother about it—he listens to her. And do you know what? She just shrugged it off. His father’s had mistresses right along, what’s the big deal? You’re the wife, you have all the benefits. The home, the children, the credit cards, the social standing. The rest is just sex.”
    “That’s just stupid. Have you talked to Mama?”
    “I can’t. You can’t.” She squeezed Reena’s hand, battled back the tears. “She . . . God, Reena, I feel like such a fool, I feel like such a failure. Everyone else is so happy, and I’m so . . . not. Fran and Jack, Xander and An, and now you. I’ve got thirteen years invested in this marriage. I have four children. And I don’t even love him.”
    “Oh God, Bella.”

    “I never did. I thought I did. I thought I did, Reena. I was twenty, and he was so handsome and smooth—and rich. I wanted all that. It’s not wrong to want it. I’ve been faithful.”
    “What about counseling?”
    She sighed, stared beyond the patio, away from the house where she’d grown up. “I’ve been in therapy for three years. There are some secrets I can keep. She says we’re making progress. Funny, I don’t feel like it.”
    “Bella.” Reena kissed her hair. “Bella, you have your family. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
    “Sometimes you do. Fran’s the sweet one, you’re the smart one. Even though Fran’s prettier, I was the pretty one. Because I worked at it more. That’s what I traded on, and this is what I got.”
    “You deserve better.”
    “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. But I don’t know if I can give it up. He’s a good father, Reena. The kids adore him. He’s a good father, and he’s a good provider.”
    “Listen to yourself. He’s a cheating sack-of-shit adulterer.”
    With a watery laugh, Bella crushed out the cigarette, threw her arms around Reena. “That’s why I called you when I couldn’t call anyone else. Just that, Reene. Because you’d say something like that. Maybe this is partly my fault, but I don’t deserve my husband rolling out of my bed into another woman’s.”
    “Damn right you don’t.”
    “Okay.” She drew a tissue out of her bag, dried her face. “I’ll talk to him again.” She opened a compact, began to repair her makeup. “I’ll talk to my therapist. And maybe I’ll talk to a lawyer, just to test the ground.”
    “You can always talk to me. I might not always be there when you call, but I’ll always call you back. Promise.”
    “I know. God, look at this mess I’ve made of myself.” She pulled out a lipstick. “I’m sorry about before. Honestly. I’ll make it up to you. To him. He’s a nice guy, seems like a nice guy. That alone got me started.”
    “It’s okay.” Reena kissed her cheek. “We’ll be okay.”

22
    “Tell me one thing,” Bo asked as they walked home. “Did I pass the audition?”
    “Sorry about that.” She winced. “About the questions, the demands to perform, the request for blood tests.”
    “I’m getting one tomorrow.”
    She reached out to pat his arm. “You’re a good sport, Goodnight.”
    “Yeah, but did I pass?”
    She glanced over, decided he was serious. “I’d say your colors are flying. I’m particularly sorry about Bella at dinner.”
    “It wasn’t that big.”
    “It was rude and uncalled for, but it wasn’t personal. She was upset, about something entirely unrelated. She’s going through a rough patch I didn’t know about until tonight.”
    “No harm, no foul.”
    “My mother’s not going to rest until she has her pergola.”
    “Is your father going to hurt me when he gets the bid?”
    “Depends on the bid.” She hooked her arm through his. “You know, when I was a kid, I used to dream about walking home on a warm summer night with a