Born 01 - Born

it.
    "Dude, we will take watch here every night. It just feels safe here; that doesn’t mean it is."
    "Fine. Whatever."
    I pull the knife that I stole from the dead military guy out of my boot and rub it down with the bleach I pulled out from under the sink. I wipe the blade down and my fingers. I pour water from my bottle over my fingers and the blade. I hate that I touched something of someone else's.
    I catch Jake watching me.
    I ignore him.
    I will leave him. It's in my nature.
    Instead, I look at Leo, who has positioned himself in front of the back door and curled into a ball.
    "So much for helping, hey boy?"
    He opens one yellow eye and closes it again. He has been nothing but trouble. Lucky I love him.
    I take my new knife, my bow and quiver, and my bottle of water to the door. I rub Leo's head once and head out into the night quietly. I stealth across the gravel silently.
    I open the barn door and slip inside. The darkness of the barn is frightening, but I grip the handle of the blade for strength. I climb the stairs, feeling like something will grab my feet any second and drag me down into the hay. I will finally hear my greatest fear: my flesh and clothes ripping and tearing.
    I climb into the hayloft and sit in the open window. The dark night is silent. I don’t like silence. I like the sounds of animals telling me I am safe. I open my ears and close my mind against the sounds that haunt me.
    I hear them suddenly.
    The night creatures that will warn me of any intruders fill my ears. There is a cricket, a single cricket out in the field. I hear a bat off in the woods south of the farm. Something snorts behind the barn in a way that makes me smile.
    Whatever it is, it's rooting. The signs of life fill me with a mistaken and misguided hope. I know the reality of it all. I am not fooled by the warm and fuzzy feelings.
    I know we are lost. All of humanity is.
    I know what we have done to each other. We are no longer human. Our humanity is lost. The animals have bested us in behavior and survival.
    The door to the house slips open. Anna crosses the driveway carefully.
    A smile crosses my lips. She is a survivor.
    "I think his leg is infected.”
    “That or he has the flu."
    “It’s infection. I noticed he was hot and scratching at it.” Her whispered words cut me. I know what we must do but I'm not prepared to do it.
    She sees my face in the dull moonlight. "I know. I feel the same way."
    "The medicines are all expired."
    "We have to go for him. I couldn’t really see very well, but I think the red lines have started. My dad warned me about the red lines."
    My eyes leave the deserted yard and fix on hers. They glisten in the moonlight. "I will go alone."
    The glistening spot in the dark lowered, "I can't ask that of you."
    "He can't travel."
    "But I can't ask that of you. He is my burden."
    I laugh softly into the cool night air. "He really is, isn’t he? How is he so clueless?"
    Her lips curl into a grim smile the darkness can't hide from me. "He worshipped our brother. They joked and laughed while dad tried to teach us how to survive. Dad always called them the grasshoppers who played all summer."
    The reference makes me flinch as my Granny's face flashes across my mind.
    "When dad died, Will took care of us, but he wasn't a survivor. It wasn’t his fault. Dad let them play." I can hear the tears filling her face. "When Will got taken, I was eleven. Jake has tried, but he's, well, he's a moron."
    I look back out into the yard. "He's amazing, Anna. He's still full of the things we've all lost. He smiles and laughs and sings. I heard him humming the other day and I almost shot him myself, and then I realized I haven’t hummed since I was nine years old." My skin shivers when I think about spying on him humming. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.
    "He's a goof. We will travel together, Em."
    I look back harshly. "He will die if we make him travel. Those red lines are blood poisoning and once they reach his heart, he's dead. I will go, and you will stay and keep him safe."
    I am risking my life for him. I feel like I am back at the cabin door and she is knocking. I am going to regret this decision.
    "I'll leave tonight. You will have to keep Leo with you. He can help you."
    Her voice is small, "I can't ask this of you."
    It's my turn to smile bitterly. "Guess you'll have to trust me."
    I stare out into the night. It's peaceful and quiet. It suddenly scares me more than anything.
    I feel my jaw tense.