Carpathian 13 - Dark Destiny

MaryAnn."
    MaryAnn watched as Destiny threw herself carelessly into a chair, her legs stretched out in front of her.
    "I'm going to speak very plainly with you, Destiny."
    "Please do." Destiny intended to speak plainly with MaryAnn.
    "Women who have been raped or sexually abused as children have problems with intimacy. Those problems don't just go away. And even when you think you've beaten the past, it will suddenly be there, between you. That's a normal reaction, Destiny, and one to be expected."
    "I do expect it. Well, the chemistry between Nicolae and me is much more explosive than I had counted on. I had no idea it could be so strong. I also realize I don't want to surrender control in any way. I'm honest enough with myself and with Nicolae to admit that."
    MaryAnn looked pleased. "As long as you understand that, you should be fine. Nicolae seems man enough to give you the space you need when you need it. You should be able to work out that aspect of your relationship."
    "You would think so." Destiny sighed heavily. "But our attraction to one another is far more than just physical. We need to be together. We need to come together, physically as well as mentally. It's part of what we are. I can't explain it other than to say it's intense and sometimes uncomfortable."
    "You find it uncomfortable?"
    Destiny nodded, her small white teeth tugging at her lower lip. "He takes everything in stride. I'm the mess. It's just so intense. There's no other word. When I'm with him, I feel so out of control. It's so frightening to be like that, to want someone so much you don't care about anything but being with him."
    MaryAnn laughed softly. "Destiny, you don't know yourself at all. You obviously care a great deal about Generated by ABC Amber LIT Conv erter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
    this man or you wouldn't be so worried that you're in some way going to harm him. Do you think loving him or wanting him so intensely is going to hurt him?"
    "My blood is tainted." Destiny blurted it out, leaping to her feet to pace around the room again.
    Movement enabled her to avoid Mary Ann's eyes.
    There was a small silence. "Would you mind elaborating?"
    Destiny gestured rather helplessly with her hands. "The vampire converted me. His blood was tainted and he tainted my blood. Sort of like a disease."
    MaryAnn frowned. "Sit down, Destiny. You're making me nervous with your pacing. This is important and out of my realm of knowledge. Is the tainted blood dangerous to you?"
    "To Nicolae." There was only acceptance and the need to understand in Mary Ann's voice; the terrible knot in Destiny's stomach relaxed. She returned to the chair. "I don't know all that much about Carpathians, but there is a darkness in the males, from what Nicolae tells me. That darkness is what allows them to turn vampire. They fight it, of course. Nicolae has been fighting for a long time."
    MaryAnn hitched her chair closer. "And your blood somehow makes it more difficult for him? What are you saying?"
    "I don't know what will happen if he takes my blood. When we make love, it's difficult, nearly impossible not to"—she hesitated, searching for the right word—" indulge that side of our craving too. It becomes erotic. Nicolae's need is very strong. I don't think there's a cure for me. If we're together, we aren't going to be able to resist the lure of that side of our hunger." She passed a hand over her face. "I couldn't bear to be his destruction, MaryAnn. I wanted to walk away from him, but it's too late for that."
    MaryAnn immediately rose to wrap a comforting arm around Destiny's shoulders. "Have you discussed your fears with Nicolae?"
    Destiny touched MaryAnn's mind, afraid of what she must be thinking of her revelations, but MaryAnn was as centered as always. She accepted the things Destiny told her with her usual equilibrium and was struggling to understand.
    "We talked about it. He doesn't worry about himself; he only thinks about me." It set her teeth on edge, his total commitment to her. Destiny wasn't comfortable with devotion. Or love.
    "People search their entire lives looking for what you have, Destiny. Don't be afraid of it."
    Destiny glared at MaryAnn in disgust. "You sound just like Father Mulligan. I ask him a question and he gives me some sort of philosophical Zen answer. What kind of advice is 'have courage'? What does that mean? Have courage to do what? Isn't a priest supposed to give spiritual advice? You know, MaryAnn, I'm beginning