Chasing Daisy

Suddenly the camera cuts to Nils Broden’s car, wrecked and smoking in a gravel pit. The television screens show a replay of the accident which put it there, and I watch, white-knuckled and sick to my bones, as Broden’s car smashes into a concrete wall and shatters across the track.
    And then I see Will, clear as day, in my mind. His car is upside down on the gravel pit as an ambulance crew brings out a white sheet. I start to feel dizzy. I hear Holly’s voice beside me asking if I’m okay. She puts her hands on my arms to steady me and tries to tell me that Broden is fine, that he’s climbed out of his car and is already over the wall and on his way back to the pits, but I’m in another place, another time. All I can see is Will’s car, the front end completely gone. And then I see Will, staring at me in the darkness as we lay side-by-side in bed.
    I break down in uncontrollable sobs.
    ‘Daisy . . . Daisy . . .’ Holly’s voice tries to soothe me, but I’m beyond help. I fall to my knees and am vaguely aware of people in the garage turning to stare at me.
    ‘Daisy, please,’ Holly begs. ‘Come back to the hospitality area.’
    ‘I can’t . . . I can’t . . .’
    ‘It’s okay.’ She crouches beside me and puts her arm around my shoulder while several mechanics worriedly look our way. I know it will be a struggle for them to concentrate with this going on.
    Klaus comes into the garage with Frederick. He must’ve gone to fetch him.
    ‘Come with me,’ Frederick says firmly. He pulls me to my feet and I stumble out of the garage with him. Holly follows.
    ‘I’m sorry!’ I cry. ‘I can’t be here!’
    ‘No, Daisy, please don’t leave again!’ Holly begs, her hand on my arm. ‘Chef, don’t let her quit!’
    ‘Enough!’ Frederick snaps at her. ‘Take a couple of days,’ he tells me as my sobs quieten. ‘Go and stay with your grandmother. Call Ally to arrange a car.’
    I nod dumbly as Holly relaxes her grip on my arm.
    ‘But I want you back at work next week,’ Frederick adds. ‘And after that we’re off to Singapore, so don’t let me down.’
    We return to the kitchen in the hospitality area where Holly helps me gather my things before walking me outside to one of the team’s people carriers.
    ‘Can you take me back to the hotel?’ I ask the driver, who’s leaning up against the front of the car, listening to a hand-held radio.
    ‘Sure,’ he replies.
    ‘I’ll call Ally from there,’ I tell Holly. ‘And I’ll see you back in the UK.’
    ‘You will come back, won’t you?’ Her face is etched with worry.
    ‘Yes,’ I tell her, although at this stage I’m really not sure.

 
Chapter 25
     
    The track in Monza is on the outskirts, north-east of the city, but I have to collect my bag from the hotel and arrange a car before I can set off. Nonna lives about three hours’ drive south-west from Milan, so I have a lot of time to think as I stare out of the window. To the far right I catch occasional glimpses of the sea, while to my left there are hills and forests, but the route is mostly dull – long stretches of motorway until we finally reach the bendy mountain roads north of Lucca.
    I remember Will driving me around here in the Aston Martin that he was thinking of buying. There are so many things he wanted to do. Sometimes it hits me how his life was cut short and I have to gasp for air before I can push yet another memory to the back of my mind.
    Nonna comes out of her front door as the taxi pulls into the lane outside her house. I called her from the hotel so she’s been expecting me.
    As soon as she engulfs me in a warm hug, I start to feel better.
    ‘ La mia stellina . . .’ she murmurs into my hair, before pulling away and studying my face. ‘You have lost even more weight.’ She shakes her head in dismay.
    I glance around at the mountains, which are shrouded in dark clouds. A storm is imminent.
    Nonna leads me inside to her warm kitchen and immediately starts to serve up some ribollita soup. It’s made from the leftovers of minestrone and it’s delicious, but I’m not hungry, so I swirl my spoon around and take the odd mouthful while Nonna looks on sympathetically.
    ‘Are you okay, my love?’ she asks eventually.
    I shake my head. ‘Not really, no.’
    ‘Would you like to talk about it?’
    ‘Maybe tomorrow,’ I reply softly. ‘I’m very tired.’
    The sky outside the window begins to flash with lightning. Nonna gets to her feet and pulls pots