Cheaper by the Dozen

dozen girls would suit him just fine, and he made hearty jokes about "my harem." When visitors came to call, Dad would introduce Anne, Mary and Ernestine. Then he'd get Martha out of her crib and bring her into the living room. "And this," he'd say, "is the latest model. Complete with all the improvements. And I don't think that's all; we're expecting the 1911 model some time next month."
    Although Mother's condition made the announcement unnecessary, he came out with it anyway. He never understood why this embarrassed Mother.
    "I just don't see why you mind," he'd tell her later. "It's something to be proud of."
    "Well, of course it is. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but it seems to me a mistake to proclaim it from the housetops, or confide it to comparative strangers, until the baby arrives."
    Still, Mother knew very well that Dad had to talk about his children, the children who had already arrived and those who were expected.
    In spite of Mother's protests, Dad decided that the fifth child would be named for her. Mother didn't like the name Lillian, and had refused to pass the name along to any of the' first four girls.
    "No nonsense, now," Dad said. "We're running low on names, and this one is going to be named for you. Whether you like it or not, I want a little Lillian."
    "But it could be a boy, you know."
    "Boys!" Dad grunted. "Who wants boys?"
    "Sooner or later there'll be a boy," Mother said. "Look what happened in my family." Mother's mother had six girls before she produced a boy.
    "Sure," sighed Dad, "but your father wasn't the Last of the Gilbreths."
    When Dr. Hedges came out of Mother's bedroom and announced that Mother and the fifth baby were doing nicely, Dad told him that "The Latest Model" was to be named Lillian.
    "I think that's nice," Dr. Hedges said sympathetically. "Real nice. Of course, the other boys in his class may tease him about haying a girl's name, but…"
    "Yes, that's true," said Dad. "I hadn't thought of..." He grabbed the doctor by the shoulders and shook him. "Other boys?" he shouted. "Did you say other boys? Boys?"
    "I hate to disappoint you, Mr. Gilbreth," grinned Dr. Hedges. "Especially since you've been telling everyone how much you wanted a fifth girl for your harem. But this one..."
    Dad pushed him out of the way and rushed into the bedroom, where his first son was sleeping in a by now battered bassinet, on a desk once again covered with galley proofs. Dad and Mother timed their books to coincide with Mother's j annual intervals of unavoidable delay.
    "Chip off the old block," Dad cooed into the bassinet. "Every inch a Gilbreth. Oh, Lillie, how did you ever manage to do it?"
    "Do you think he's all right?" Mother whispered.
    "He's one I think we'd better keep," said Dad. "Do you know something? I didn't come right out and say so before, because I didn't want to upset you, and I knew you were doing the best you could. But I really wanted a boy all the time. I was just trying to make you feel better when I said I wanted a fifth girl."
    Mother managed to keep a straight face. "Mercy, Maud, you certainly had everybody fooled," she said. "I thought you'd be simply furious if little 'Lillian' turned out to be a boy. You seemed so set on naming this one for me. Are you sure you're not disappointed?"
    "Gee whiz," was all Dad could manage.
    "What should we name him?"
    Dad wasn't listening. He was still leaning over the bassinet, cooing. There was little doubt in Mother's mind, anyway, about what the baby would be named, and Dad clinched the matter by the next remark which he addressed to the baby.
    "I've got to leave you now for a few minutes, Mr. Frank Bunker Gilbreth, Junior," he said, rolling out the name and savoring its sound. "I've got to make a few telephone calls and send some wires. And I've got to get some toys suitable for a boy baby. All the toys we have around this house are girl baby toys. Behave yourself while I'm gone and take care of your mother. That's one of your jobs from now on." And over his shoulder to Mother, "I'll be back in a few minutes, Lillie."
    "Farewell, Next to Last of the Gilbreths," Mother whispered. But Dad still wasn't listening. As he closed the door carefully, Mother heard him bellowing:
    "Anne, Mary, Ernestine, Martha. Did you hear the news? It's a boy. Frank Bunker Gilbreth, Junior. How do you like the sound of that? Every inch a Gilbreth. Chip off the old block. Hello, central? Central? Long Distance, please. It's a boy."
    Having fathered one son,