Coda 01 - Promises

wears too much of that stinky hippie perfume. She practically sat in my lap last time.”
    I was starting to grin despite myself.
“Is there any restaurant in town that we can go to?” “No!” He groaned.
    “Must be tough being the town’s most eligible bachelor.” I was having a hard time not laughing.
    “I’m glad you find it so amusing.”
“And you’re not interested in any of them?”
    He was looking right at me. He was so tired; all his defenses were down, and I knew he meant it when he said, “No. I would rather be here.” God, that was good to hear, but I tried to keep my tone casual.
    “You think if you hang out with the gay guy long enough, they’ll finally start to leave you alone?”

    “That would certainly be an added bonus.” His eyes were closed now, his breathing starting to slow.
    “It doesn’t seem to be working so far.”
“Jared, shut up and order a pizza.”
    When the pizza arrived, I brought out a couple of beers and flipped on the TV. He was still quiet and strangely pensive. I checked the on-screen TV Guide. “We gotta sit through the last forty minutes of The Breakfast Club , but then Wrath of Khan starts.”
    “Whatever.”
    I wasn’t sure how to handle this side of him. Usually he was so solid, but tonight it felt like he was lost. Like he was waiting for somebody to lead him home. He had hardly eaten any pizza although he was on his third beer.
    “Are you working tomorrow?” I asked.
“Day off.”
    “Let’s go for a ride. We haven’t been up in a couple of weeks.”

    He brightened up a little. “Sure. I could use the exercise.”
    He was slouched down, his long legs stretched out in front of him. His head was tilted back, and his arms were stretched out along the back of the couch so that one hand was resting behind my head. Half the time his eyes were closed, and I thought he was drifting in and out of sleep. We sat in silence for a while, and then he said suddenly, “I hate this movie.”
    “Because it’s sentimental crap or because nothing gets blown up?” It was supposed to be a joke, but I don’t think he even heard me.
    “None of them even know who they are. They’re just acting out their roles. Being what their parents made them. Always trying to be what’s expected. It’s exhausting.”
    Somehow I didn’t think he was only talking about the movie.
    “I think I envy you,” he said. “You don’t ever get tired, do you? You don’t care what they expect.”
“Whose expectations are you worried about, Matt?”
    “Nobody’s. Everybody’s. Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m talking about. I’m so tired.” His eyes were closed again. “Don’t listen to me.”
    I was pretty sure he had fallen asleep. I sat there, feet up on the coffee table, staring at the movie without seeing it, wondering what had happened to put him in this mood. Then I felt a small tug on the back of my head. Then another. I realized it was his hand. He was feeling my hair, gently pulling on my curls.
    “Did something happen today, Matt?” He was watching his own fingers as they played in my hair, but I don’t think he was really seeing them. It was possible he hadn’t quite realized he was doing it. It felt nice, and I stayed perfectly still. I was afraid if I moved an inch, he would stop. “Is there something going on at work?”
    The tug on my hair stopped. His jaw clenched, and I knew I had hit on something.
    “No.”
“I know you’re lying.”
    There was no answer for a minute, but then that gentle pull on my hair started again.

    “They’re having a picnic. You know, a department thing, everybody bringing their families.”

    He stopped, but I knew there was more. “And you don’t have a family?”
    “That’s not the problem.” He sighed and took a deep breath like he was going to tell me. Then he stopped short, shaking his head. “Never mind.” He stopped playing with my hair and looked back at the TV like the subject was closed.
“Then what is the problem?”
    It took him a while to decide to answer, but he finally said in a quiet voice, “They asked me if I was going to bring a guest. And I mentioned you.”
    I was shocked. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“No shit.”
“What did they say?”
    “They told me ‘boyfriends’ aren’t allowed.” He sighed again. “I know you warned me. I know I should have seen it coming. But we’re friends, right?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. “I’m not allowed to have a friend?