Coda 01 - Promises

grabbed a handful of it and pulled my head back so that my neck was exposed. He leaned over and put his lips against my neck. Soft lips and rough stubble brushed up to my jaw and moved toward my ear. I was sure my heart was going to pound its way right out of my chest. Or that my cock was going to burst through the buttons on my jeans. His lips brushed my ear, and he whispered, “I just want to touch you a little more.”
    I wanted to tell him that he never had to stop, but I couldn’t speak. I was afraid that if I touched him back, the spell would somehow be broken. But I reached out and put one hand on his flat stomach. He responded by wrapping his other arm around my waist. His tongue touched my ear. His cheek was like sandpaper against my own. I pulled up his shirt, slid my hands underneath, and ran them up his back. I felt the hard muscles there jump under my fingers, and he made a little moan against my neck that went straight to my groin.
    I hadn’t thought there was any space left between us, but he managed to push closer. The entire length of my body was against his. His arms were tight around me, one hand wandering up and down my back, the other still tangled in my curls. I felt his lips on my neck. Not just brushing over the skin, like before. He was really kissing me now, nipping at my neck, his tongue flicking over my pounding pulse. Then both of his hands were on my hips, pulling my groin harder against his, and I felt his erection grinding against my own.
    I heard myself moan, or maybe it was more of a whimper. Whatever it was, he obviously liked it, because the gentle nibbles on my neck suddenly became something much more insistent. He put both hands into my hair. All of his weight was against me now, holding me against the counter. He was pulling harder on my hair, pushing his hips into mine, and whatever he was doing to my neck was bordering on painful, but I definitely didn’t want it to stop.
    It took me a couple of tries, but I finally managed to whisper, “Do you want to go in the bedroom?”

    Me and my big mouth.

    He froze, a breathing statue with both hands still tangled in my hair, and his lips still warm against my neck. “Matt?”
    And then he let me go. Before I knew it, he was on the other side of the room. I was reeling. I felt like half of my body had just been ripped away.
    “Matt?”
    He sat down on one of the bar stools with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “Oh my God. What just happened? What the hell just happened?” He made a sound that might have been a laugh… or a sob. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I think I’m losing my fucking mind.”
    I took a step toward him and reached out my hand. “Don’t touch me!” It came out as a snarl.
He might as well have punched me, it hurt so much. “Matt, it’s okay.”
    “It is most definitely not okay! Oh my God, this is not okay. I wanted to…. How could I want that? How can I want you like this?” “Matt, I want you too. I have for a long time. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

    His only response was to shake his head in his hands. “Matt, I know what you’ve told me. But be honest with me. This can’t be the first time you’ve been attracted to another guy.”
    He was silent so long I was starting to think I had taken a serious misstep. But then, very quietly, he said, “You’re right. I’ve been attracted to other men before. Not many, but a few. But not like this. Nothing ever like this.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “It was always just a physical reaction, and I was able to just ignore it. Just tell myself no. Tell myself that it was wrong.”
    He looked up at me, and the pain and confusion in his eyes was enough to break my heart. “Whatever this is with me and you, it’s so much more, and I can’t make it go away.”
    How could those words make me so happy while hurting so much at the same time? “Matt, why does it have to go away?”
    “I’m so confused, Jared. Even now, all I can think about is how much I want to touch you. And I just have no idea what to do about it.”
    I went to him. Sitting on the stool, he was actually a little shorter than me. His eyes were wary as I approached, but he didn’t stop me. I stepped between his knees, took his face in my hands, and looked into his eyes.
    “I do, Matt. I know exactly what to do about it. Come in the bedroom with me and let me show you what we can do about it.” I leaned in and kissed him, just