Coda 05 -Paris a to Z

!”
“Ill be waiting for Jareds e-mail. Bye!”
“Cole? Cole ?” But the line was already dead. I resisted the urge to throw my phone across the room. I settled for calling Jareds ex-fuckbuddy every bad name I could think of—and thanks to Angelo, that list had grown significantly over the past couple of years.
Technology had failed me. We could put a man on the moon and make computers that fit in my back pocket, but I still couldnt strangle anybody via telephone. Life really was a bitch.
“W E CAN T not go,” Jared said to me later that morning as he poured
    himself a cup of coffee. Once he had gotten over being pissed at me for not waking him up. “Coles my oldest friend in the world—” “I know!”
“And its a free trip to Paris! How can we turn that down?”
“I dont want anything from him!”
“Matt,” he said, smiling indulgently at me, and the tone of his voice was the same tone Lizzy used with little James when he was throwing a fit on the floor. The tone that said, “Lets all be reasonable now.” Shit. How was it that Cole could cause me this much trouble when he wasnt even in the same goddamn country? “This isnt about Cole and me . This is about Cole and Jon .”

    “I dont like Jon any more than I like Cole! I hope the two of them spend the rest of their lives making each other miserable!”
“Matt, dont be an ass—”
“Why should I have to go?”
He put his coffee down and looked down at the floor. Whether he was angry or annoyed or disappointed, I wasnt sure, but when he looked up, there was no smile on his face. That in itself was significant. Jared smiled at everything. He sighed and came to stand in front of me. He looked up at me, and his blue eyes met mine.
I knew right then I was going to lose.
“You know I love you,” he said quietly.
“Yes.” I never doubted that.
“You know I never loved him. Not like this.”
I knew that, too, when I thought about it rationally rather than letting my emotions take over. “That has nothing to do with it,” I said defensively.
“Doesnt it?”
Shit. He knew me so well. He didnt even bother to wait for me to answer.
“Cole was happy for us, Matt. Is it too much to ask for you to do the same for him?”
He was right. Of course he was right. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on being reasonable. Making him choose between Cole and me was childish—he had already made the choice, years before. I needed to stop making this about Cole and start making it about Jared. This was what he wanted, and who could blame him? A free trip to Paris to help celebrate the marriage of a friend he had known for nearly fifteen years— it was something only a fool would turn down. It would be selfish of me to keep him from it.
I also had Zach and Angelo to consider. I knew they would never be able to afford a vacation like this on their own. I also knew that Ang would be absolutely ecstatic. Zach probably less so, understandably, but hed do anything to make Angelo happy.

    It wasnt as if I had to go. They could go without me. But did I really want to stay home alone out of spite while my partner and my best friend went to Paris ?
Definitely not.
I made myself let go of the jealousy that gripped me every time I thought of Cole. I knew it wouldnt last, but for the moment, it was enough. I opened my eyes again and looked down at Jareds hopeful face. Jesus, I loved him so much. It was foolish of me to ever think that I could deny him anything. “Okay,” I said, and he smiled. “Ill go.”
“Itll be fun, Matt,” he said. “Youll see.”
I wished that I could believe him.

Zach…
    I SLEPT in late the following Sunday morning, as usual. Angelo and I had Sundays off, and I often let myself skip my morning run on Sundays as well. It was almost ten when I dragged myself out of bed. Angelo had been up for hours of course, but he wasnt in the living room. Our computer was set up in what was supposed to be the dining room, and I had to pass through it on my way to the kitchen to get my morning cup of coffee. Angelo was at the desk, and as soon as I rounded the corner, he closed the browser, looking up at me with guilty embarrassment.
    “Whats up?” I asked him.
“Nothin,” he said, but he wouldnt look at me when he said it. “It didnt look like „nothing.”
“Well, it was,” he said, getting up and pushing past me. His obvious lie made me curious. Looking at porn was the obvious
    answer, but I didnt think he would have felt the need to hide