Confessions of a Reluctant Recessionista

opened; people came and went. For the first time all day I felt safe. I wonderedwhether it would be possible to nip out, get a drink and come back to enjoy it without attracting attention. Probably not.
    I heard the doors open again and the cut-glass tones of Christa Freeman and Angela Chenowith ringing out.
    ‘God, she’s full of shit, isn’t she?’ Christa was saying. ‘All that crap about going travelling. As if. She’s obviously broke. Did you hear she’s walking dogs for a living these days!’ They laughed.
    ‘I know, my God, you’d have to be broke to come to a society wedding dressed like that. Hideous. I can’t even believe she turned up at all. The only reason she got an invite was because she was seeing that trader. What’s his name?’
    ‘Dan something. Great-looking but a total shagger. He’s slept with half the women in Canary Wharf.’
    One of them pushed at the door of my cubicle. They fell silent.
    ‘There’s someone in here,’ Angela hissed. There was shuffling, then giggling.
    ‘Oh, Christ, I bet it’s her!’ There was more giggling and, eventually, the two of them left. I slipped off my shoes, rubbed my aching feet and did my best not to cry.
    The good news was that I was on Ali’s table for dinner. The bad news was that the rest of the table was made up of Hamilton traders who spent the entire time talking shop and ignoring me. And so much for itbeing a plus that I was sitting with Ali. She barely said a word to anyone, including me. She was behaving completely out of character – I couldn’t believe it. After dinner I cornered her on the terrace where she was smoking a cigarette.
    ‘Who did you tell about the dog walking?’ I demanded to know. ‘How is it that everybody seems to know about that? How is it that Tania knows about that?’
    She sighed and flicked her half-smoked cigarette into the nearest plant pot.
    ‘I don’t know, Cassie, I might have mentioned it to someone at work. Is it really that important?’
    ‘Yes, it bloody is, actually. Haven’t I been humiliated enough? With the sacking and the Dan thing and the Tania thing?’
    ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled, looking over my shoulder.
    ‘Who are you looking for?’ I asked. ‘What’s going on? You’ve been weird all night. Whenever I come near you, you act like you would rather be somewhere else. You’ve barely said a word to me all night. What is this? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me now?’
    ‘Jesus Christ, Cassie, not everything is about you! If you ever stopped moaning for just one second about how awful your life is you might actually notice that there are other things going on.’
    ‘So what is going on? Why won’t you tell me?’
    ‘I really don’t have time for this …’
    ‘You don’t have time? You don’t have time? Why?What’s the hurry? Got to get back to Sophie and Kate, back to the important people?’
    ‘Something like that,’ she said, and walked away.
    I went to the hotel reception and asked them to call me a cab. Mercifully, they could get one (it was only ten thirty, not many people would be leaving yet). Unable to face any more debilitating encounters I stood on the steps outside, shivering in the freezing night air, wishing I smoked. At least that would give me an excuse for standing out here.
    I was just hopping into the minicab when my phone rang. It was Mum. And for the first time in ages, I was eager to talk to her. I am a very bad daughter.
    ‘Hi, Mum,’ I said, trying to sound cheery.
    ‘Are you having a great time, love?’
    ‘I am, it’s been really lovely,’ I lied.
    ‘Oh, I am pleased. Where are you? I can’t hear any music.’
    ‘No, I’m standing outside,’ I said. ‘It’s too loud to hear anything in there.’ In the rear-view mirror I saw the driver raise his eyebrows.
    ‘Well, I won’t keep you – you must be freezing out there. I was round at Celia’s today – she asked me to call you. She was going to give you a ring herself but she’s ever so busy with the kids. Michael was at golf.’
    Just for a change.
    ‘In any case, she was wondering whether you could make it for lunch tomorrow. I mean, since you’re out this way. It would be ever so good to see you. Youcould stay over with us if you like, get back to London on Monday.’
    Well, it wasn’t like I had a job to go to.
    Sitting on the bright orange bedspread back in my room at the B&B I tried to form a mental list of the top five things I should be most depressed about:
1.