Counting Shadows (Duplicity)

eyes shut, as if holding back tears. Why would she be crying? Lor isn’t even dead yet, and Jesel has learned to suppress the pain of impossible cases.
    Unless it isn’t impossible. Unless…
    I press a hand to my face, blocking out her expression. “You’ve been ordered to kill him,” I murmur. “Haven’t you? Father is forcing you to.”
    She doesn’t respond, other than to look away. Then she quietly says, “The king believes this Angel’s presence could be harmful to you.”
    I’ve never heard Jesel speak so softly. In all the years she’s acted as my healer, all my cuts and scrapes and burns she’s tended to, Jesel has always been loud and authoritative. Her defeated tone is almost as scary as what she’s admitting to.
    “You can’t kill him,” I whisper.
    She nods her head, like she’s trying to agree with me. Then she says, “I have to. King’s orders. If I don’t, I’ll be the one to die.”
    “Let me talk to Father. Maybe I can convince him otherwise.”
    “He’s the king. He doesn’t change his mind once it’s made up.”
    I gesture wildly at Lor. “Well you can’t just kill him!”
    “You think I don’t know that?” Jesel whirls toward me, and repeats in a shout, “You
think
I don’t
know
that? I took an oath, Faye. I swore to never harm any living being.
Never
.”
    Something slips down her weathered cheek. A tear. In all the years I’ve known Jesel, I’ve never seen her cry. She’s sworn and yelled when her patients don’t respond to her treatment, but she never, ever cries. I’ve come to believe that she’s too strong for tears.
    I guess I can add that to the list of things I’ve been wrong about today.
    “I’m sorry,” I say.
    She shakes her head again. “You shouldn’t be. This is my fault. I never should have agreed to do this. I should have faced death proudly, and not—”
    “No,” I say. “I’m sorry for
this
.” I give her a pointed look. She quickly understands, and her eyes grow wide. Then she turns her back to me and stills.
    I walk up behind her. “He attacked you, alright? When Father asks what happened, you tell him that you tried to kill my Guardian, and he attacked you.”
    Jesel swallows hard. “That will work?”
    “Father isn’t stupid. He knows that it would look suspicious if you suddenly died right after surviving an attack by my Guardian. People would easily guess that you’d tried something and failed.”
    She nods tightly.
    I place a hand on her shoulder, and she flinches violently. Then she turns toward me with wide eyes.
    “I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure it would save your life,” I murmur.
    She nods, and the moment she turns away from me again, I throw my arm around her neck. I squeeze tightly and close my eyes, trying to block out what I’m doing. Jackal always told me I’d need to use a choke-hold someday, but I never really believed him. Until now.
    Jesel gags and instinctively claws at my arm. I just squeeze tighter. After a long minute, she sags against me. I instantly release my grip and then wrap an arm around her waist, guiding her unconscious body to the floor.
    “I’m so, so sorry,” I say, despite knowing she can’t hear me. I watch her chest closely, monitoring her breathing. It’s normal, although a little slower than usual. I let out a long sigh of relief. I hate how long choke-holds take, but it’s better than knocking her out cold and risking a serious concussion.
    I squeeze my eyes shut against the sight of her limp body. “Jolik!” I call out. There’s no answer, so I yell a little louder, “Jolik! Get in here!”
    A moment later, I hear the door to my chambers slam open, and I silently thank Jolik for his Vampire hearing. I don’t think I could have walked out to get him, not with how unsteady my legs feel.
    His heavy footsteps approach, and he lets out a loud curse as he enters the room. He rushes to my side and grips my arm.
    “Faye what happened?”
    I open my eyes and look straight at him. Then I nod to Lor. “My Guardian attacked her. He knocked her unconscious. You need to take her to the medical ward and get her some treatment.”
    Jolik’s eyes narrow suspiciously. “Your Guardian is out cold. How could he have—”
    “Do you want her to die?” I interrupt.
    Jolik recoils from me. “What?”
    “She’ll die if anyone believes she wasn’t attacked,” I tell him. “Now take her to the medical ward. Please.”
    I think it’s the ‘please’ that does it. I