Covet Thy Neighbor

bottle. “Well, now I’m definitely curious, so go ahead.”
    “You believe in evolution, yes? The Big Bang? All of that?”
    “I do.”
    “And you were a believer at one time, right?”
    I nodded.
    He stuffed the empty sandwich bag into the pack. “So back then, when you saw all of this”—he waved a hand at our surroundings—“you believed it was created.”
    I raised an eyebrow. “Is this where you ask me how can I not believe when there’s so much amazing stuff around me?”
    Darren laughed. “Well, in a not-so-passive-aggressive way, yes. I’m just curious. I’ve always believed, but I still want to understand how things look to someone who doesn’t. It’s hard for me to fathom that any of this happened by accident, you know? Doesn’t mean I’m not a believer in the scientific theories; I just don’t think things like the Big Bang happened randomly.”
    “Really?”
    He nodded. “I don’t see science as discrediting God. I see it as explaining the universe that He made, not one that just randomly came into existence.”
    I took a drink and set the bottle aside. “I think it’s even more amazing that it all happened by chance. The whole planet. Us. All of this.” I gestured around us. “The odds were billions to one, but it happened, and for maybe the better part of a century if I’m lucky, I get to be a part of it.”
    “Interesting.” He smiled. “Kind of kills that whole theory that atheists think life is meaningless.”
    “Just a bit,” I said with a quiet laugh. “And I’ll admit, I believed that myself, back before I became one. But then I realized it’s kind of hard to see something as meaningless when it’s finite. When I was a believer, it was all about eternity, and it seemed like this life was just, well, a formality. Something you did before you got to the good part.” I faced him. “But when it’s all you get, you make damn sure you enjoy the hell out of it.”
    “Interesting,” he said again, more to himself this time.
    I took another drink. As I capped the bottle, I said, “While we’re on the subject of touchy things that might get one of us drowned in the river, I’m curious about something too.”
    Darren smirked. “Should we get further away from the river?”
    “I’ll take my chances.”
    “Fire away, then.”
    “You said you’ve been a believer all your life. Was that an issue when you figured out you were gay?”
    “Oh yeah. That was a . . . process.” Darren exhaled slowly. “Denial, anger, more denial. Took me a long time to deal with it and realize I couldn’t change it, and my family . . .” He whistled and shook his head.
    “I’m guessing they didn’t take it well.”
    “Not at all. We were very fundamentalist. Dad was a pastor, and all of us kids were gung ho about doing missionary work. So there was a lot of soul-searching in the Romero household, believe me.”
    “I can imagine.”
    “Especially my dad. He was furious. Absolutely furious. In fact, he kicked me out.”
    “How old were you?”
    “Sixteen. He just, he blew a gasket and threw me out. I didn’t have a job or a car, so I went and stayed with my aunt.” Darren met my eyes. “But would you believe it was my dad who eventually helped me find peace with my beliefs and my sexuality?”
    I blinked. “You’re kidding.”
    He shook his head.
    “Even after he kicked you out? How?”
    “Well, even before I came out and wound up living with my aunt, I’d been really angry about my sexuality for a long time. At myself, mostly, because I felt like I should have been able to overcome it, but I couldn’t. Sometimes I was mad at God because I was sure He’d made me this way and then condemned me for it. Which then made me feel guilty and unfaithful, and I’d get angrier and . . .” He waved a hand. “It was just a vicious cycle. But I realized it was who I was, and God wouldn’t reject me for that. And then I told my parents and got thrown out.”
    Darren fell silent. He shifted his gaze toward the scenery for a moment, his eyes distant. Finally, he went on. “One Sunday night, Dad came over to my aunt’s house, and he sat me down. I remember being terrified when he told me we needed to talk one-on-one. I was sure he was going to give me an ultimatum. When he sat across from me and put that Bible on the table, I was so, so scared that this was it, and I was about to be disowned.”
    I swallowed, an all-too-familiar sick feeling burning in my gut. “So what