Cutler 01 - Dawn

and her eyes were glassy.
    "Daddy and Jimmy went to get some ice cream. Momma, you're still not feeling well."
    "I'm fine, honey. Just a bit tired from a full day with Fern. She's a good baby, but she's still a handful for anyone. How was your day at school?"
    "Did you go to the doctor?" I asked.
    "I did something even better. I went out and bought the ingredients for this tonic," she said and pointed to a bottle on the night table beside her bed.
    "What is this, Momma?" I turned the bottle of dark liquid around and around in my hands. Then I opened it and smelled it. It stank.
    "It's all sorts of herbs and such, my granny's formula. You'll see. I'll be better now in no time. Now let's not talk any more about me. Tell me about the school. How was it?" she asked, some excitement and brightness coming back into her eyes.
    "It was okay," I said, swinging my eyes away so she couldn't see my lie. At least some of it was good, I thought. I put the bottle of herbal medicine down and took little Fern in my arms. Then I told Momma about Mr. Moore and some of the other teachers, but I didn't tell her about Clara Sue Cutler and the other girls, nor did I talk about Philip.
    Before I was finished Momma closed her eyes and brought her hands to her chest. It looked like she was having trouble taking a deep breath.
    "Momma, I'm staying home from school and watching Fern until this homemade medicine works or you go to the doctor!" I cried.
    "Oh, no, honey. You can't start missin' days at a new school right off on account of me. If you stay home, just be so upset, get sicker and sicker."
    "But, Momma . . ."
    She smiled and took hold of my right hand while I held Fern in my left arm. As long as I held little Fern, she was content just sucking on her thumb and listening to me and Momma speak. Momma pulled me closer to her until she was able to reach out and stroke my hair.
    "You look so pretty today, Dawn honey. Now, don't want you worrying and denying yourself things on account of me. I can mend myself I been in worse spots than this, honey, believe me. Your daddy got you and Jimmy into a fancy school where you're going to get advantages we never expected either of you would have. You just can't go on like you had to in the other places," she insisted.
    "But, Momma . . ."
    Suddenly her eyes grew dark and intense and her face was more serious than I'd ever seen it. She squeezed my hand so tight the bones in my fingers seemed to rub against each other, but the changes in her scared me so much I couldn't pull my hand away.
    "You belong in this school, Dawn. You deserve this chance."
    Momma's eyes glazed over a little, as though she wandered through an old memory. Her painful grip on my hand never loosened. "You should mix with the rich and the blue-blooded," she insisted. "There ain't one girl or boy at that school better than you, you hear?" she cried.
    "But, Momma, the girls at this school wear clothes I'll never even get to try on and talk about places never go. I’ll never fit in with them. They seem to know so much."
    "You deserve those same things, Dawn. Never forget it." With that her iron grip tightened even more, making me cry out a little. My whimper seemed to make her wake up, her eyes cleared, and she let my hand go.
    "All right, Momma. I promise, but if you don't get better soon—"
    "I'll go to a fancy doctor, just like I promised I would. That's a new promise," she proclaimed and raised her hand like a witness taking the stand in a courtroom. I shook my head. She saw I didn't believe her. "I will. I will," she repeated and lowered herself back to the pillow. "You better feed the baby before she starts letting you know you're late with her food. She can holler something awful when she's a mind to."
    I hugged Fern to me and then took her out to feed her. Daddy and Jimmy returned and I whispered to Daddy that Momma was sicker than ever. A worried frown drew Daddy's dark brows together.
    "I'll go talk to her," he said. Jimmy looked in, too, and then returned. He just stood by quietly and watched me feed Fern. Whenever Jimmy was worried and frightened about Momma, he would become as silent and as still as a statue.
    "Momma's so pale and thin and weak, Jimmy," I said, "but she won't let me stay home from school to mind Fern."
    "Then I'll stay home," he said through his clenched teeth.
    "That would make her even angrier and you know it, Jimmy."
    "Well, what are we going to do, then?"
    "Let's see if Daddy gets her to go to a