Cutler 01 - Dawn

and I was frightened.
    That night, after Fern had been put to sleep and Momma and Daddy went to bed, Jimmy turned to me after crawling under the covers.
    "I didn't do anything to get them hot and bothered about you going for a ride with Philip." Jimmy's dark eyes begged me to believe him. "I just told Daddy. Next thing I knew, we were rushing home. Honest."
    "I believe you, Jimmy. I guess they're just worried. We don't need any more problems," I said.
    "Of course, it don't bother me all that much that you won't be going for rides with Philip," he said. "All those rich kids are spoiled and always get what they want," he said bitterly, staring at me, his dark gaze catching my own and holding it tightly.
    "There are a lot of bad poor people, too, Jimmy."
    "At least they got an excuse. Dawn"—he paused—"be careful." With that, Jimmy turned over, moving as far away from me as he could and still be in the same bed with me.
    I didn't fall asleep for the longest time. All I could think about was not being able to go out with Philip—or even ride with him. The idea of it made me want to dig a well to cry my tears into—a well that would have been filled up in no time if Jimmy hadn't been there trying to sleep.
    Why couldn't I have this one thing I wanted? I'd had little enough until now, my brain cried, and I'd tried so hard to keep my family happy—to make smiles appear on my Daddy's face. How could they take this away, too?
    Philip was special. I relived his kiss, the way he brought his lips to mine, the deep blue in his eyes, the way my face glowed and the excitement that flashed through my body when his fingers touched my breast. Just thinking about it warmed me and made the butterflies in my stomach wake up all over again.
    It would have been exciting parking with him on that hill at night with the lights below us and the stars above us. When I closed my eyes, I imagined him in the dark moving closer, bringing his hands back to my breasts and his lips to mine. The image was so vivid, I felt a wave of warmth travel up my body as if I had lowered myself gently into a tepid bath. When it reached my neck, I moaned.
    I didn't realize I had done so aloud until Jimmy spoke.
    "What?" he asked.
    "I didn't say anything," I said quickly.
    "Oh. Okay. Night," he repeated.
    "Night," I said and turned over so I could force myself to sleep and forget.

 
    5
MY BROTHER'S KEEPER
     
    Philip came to school extra early the next morning just so he could meet me before all the other students had arrived. Daddy went right to work on an electrical problem they were having in the gymnasium, and Jimmy and I went to his office as usual. A few minutes after we had arrived, Philip came to the door.
    "Morning," he said and smiled at both Jimmy's and my look of surprise. "I had to get to the library early this morning and thought I'd see if you were here."
    "The library don't open this early," Jimmy replied, busting Philip's flimsy excuse to bits.
    "Sometimes it is," Philip insisted.
    "I've got to go to the library, too," I said. "I'll join you."
    Jimmy scowled as I got up.
    "See you later, Jimmy," I said and walked upstairs with Philip.
    "I was thinking about you a lot last night," Philip said. "I wanted to call you every five minutes last night to see how you were. Are you going to get a phone soon?"
    "Oh, Philip," I said, spinning on him, "I don't think so. Jimmy would just hate me for saying all this, but I have to be truthful. We're a very poor family. The only reason Jimmy and I are in this school is on account of my daddy having this job. That's why I wear these plain clothes and Jimmy just wears a pair of dungarees and a shirt. He'll wear the same shirt twice a week at least. I've got to wash everything right away so we can wear it again. We're not just living in that ugly neighborhood temporarily. It's the nicest place we've ever lived!" I cried and started away.
    Philip reached out quickly and seized my arm.
    "Hey." He spun me about. "I knew all that."
    "You did?"
    "Sure. Everyone knows how you got into Emerson Peabody."
    "They do? Of course they do," I realized bitterly. "I'm sure we're on everybody's gossip list, especially your sister's."
    "I don't listen to gossip, and I don't care whether you're here because your father's rich or because your father works here. I'm just happy you're here," he said. "And as for belonging here—you belong here more than most of these spoiled kids. I know your teachers are happy you're here, and