Cutler 01 - Dawn

missed Jimmy and little Fern so much it made me tremble inside.
    "Oh, dear," my mother said turning to my father. "This is going to be just as difficult as I imagined it would be."
    "It will take time," he repeated. "Don't work yourself into a panic, Laura Sue. Everyone will help, especially Mother."
    "Yes, yes, I know." She turned back to me. "Well, I'll do what I can for you, Dawn, but I'm afraid my strength hasn't returned yet. I hope you will understand."
    "Of course she will," my father said.
    "After a while, when you've learned how to behave in society, we will have a little party to celebrate your homecoming. Won't that be nice?" she asked, smiling.
    "I know how to behave in society," I replied, wiping the smile from her face.
    "Well, of course you don't know how, dear. It took me ages and ages to learn the proper etiquette, and I was brought up in a nice home surrounded by nice things. People of position were continually coming and going. I'm sure you don't know the proper way to greet someone, or how to curtsy and look down when someone gives you a compliment. You don't know how to sit at a formal dinner table, what silverware to use, the proper way to eat soup, butter your bread, reach for things. There is so much for you to learn now. try to teach you as much as I can, but you must be patient, okay?"
    I looked away. Why were these things important to her now? What about us really getting to know each other? What about a true mother-daughter relationship? Why wasn't she more interested in what I wanted and needed?
    "And we can talk about womanly things, too," she said. I raised my eyes with interest.
    "Womanly things?"
    "Of course. We can't have you looking like this all the time."
    "She's working in the hotel this summer, Laura Sue," my father reminded her gently.
    "So? She can still look like a daughter of mine should look."
    "What's wrong with the way I look?" I asked.
    "Oh, dear, honey, your hair should be cut and styled. I'll have my beautician look at you. And your nails," she said, grimacing. "They need a proper manicure."
    "I can't make beds and clean rooms and worry about my nails," I declared.
    "She's right, Laura Sue," my father said gently.
    "Does she have to be a chambermaid?" my mother asked my father.
    "Mother thinks it's the best place to begin."
    She nodded with a look of deep resignation as if whatever my grandmother thought or said was gospel. Then she sighed and contemplated me again, shaking her head gently.
    "In the future please change into something pleasant before coming to see me," she told me. "Uniforms depress me, and always shower and wash your hair first. Otherwise, you will bring in the dust and grime."
    I guess I was a windowpane, easy to read, for she saw the pain in my heart.
    "Oh, Dawn dear, you must forgive me if I sound insensitive. I have not forgotten how hard this is for you, too. But just think of all the wonderful and new things you will have and be able to do. You will be a Cutler in Cutler's Cove and that's an honor and a privilege. Someday there will be a line of proper suitors begging for your hand in marriage, and all that has happened to you will seem like a bad dream.
    "Just like it seems to me," she added and took another deep breath. It was more like she was gasping for air.
    "Oh, dear, it's getting hot," she announced, practically in the same breath. "Could you turn on the fan, please, Randolph?"
    "Of course, dear."
    She fell back against the pillow and fanned herself with her magazine.
    "This is all so overwhelming," she said. "Randolph, you've got to help me with this!" she cried, her voice thin and high, sounding as if she were on the verge of hysterics. "It's hard enough for me to look after Clara Sue and Philip."
    "Of course I will, Laura Sue. Dawn will not be a problem."
    "Good," she said.
    How could she think I would be a problem for her? I wondered. I wasn't a baby who needed constant care and watching.
    "Does everyone know about her, Randolph?" she asked, staring up at the ceiling. When she spoke about me like this, it was as if I weren't in the room with her.
    "It's getting around Cutler's Cove, if that's what you mean."
    "Heavens. How will I go about? Everywhere I go, people will have questions and questions. I can't stand the thought of that, Randolph," she moaned.
    "I'll answer the questions, Laura Sue. Don't worry."
    "My heart is pounding so, Randolph. It just started and I feel my pulse throbbing in my neck," she said, bringing her fingers