Cutler 05 - Darkest Hour

skin. "Keep your eyes closed," he demanded when I opened them. I closed them again and he moved his fingers down until I felt them reach the top of my bosom and turn into my small but distinct cleavage as if he was measuring the rise in my breasts. There, they rested for a moment and then he pulled them back. I opened my eyes.
    "Was that what he did to you?" he asked in a raspy voice.
    "No, Papa," I said, my lips and my chin trembling.
    "All right," he said, and cleared his throat. "Now button your blouse as quickly as you can. Go on." He stood back and folded his arms across his chest and watched.
    I buttoned my blouse as fast as I could, but my fingers fumbled terribly with the buttons.
    "Uh-huh," he said like a detective. "That's the way Emily claims she saw you fumbling when you came running out."
    "She's lying, Papa!"
    "Now, you listen here," he said. "Your Mamma doesn't know about this yet because Emily came straight to me. We're lucky it was just Emily and not a bunch of other folks who saw you come out of the woods, alone with a boy, buttoning up your blouse."
    "But Papa . . ."
    He held up his hand.
    "I know what it's like when a healthy young girl blooms into womanhood overnight. All you have to do is watch some of our farm animals in heat and you understand the fire in the blood," Papa said. "I don't want to hear no more stories about you and boys crawling around in the dark of the forest or in some secret places to do ungodly things, do you understand, Lillian? Do you?" he pursued.
    "Yes, Papa," I said, my head lowered. Emily had spoken and her words were as good as Gospel around here, I thought sadly, especially in Papa's eyes.
    "Good. Now your Mamma don't know about any of this and don't have to be bothered about it, so don't say anything about my visit here today, understand?"
    "Yes, Papa."
    "I'll be watching you more carefully now, Lillian, looking after you more. I just didn't realize how fast you were growing." He stepped closer to me again and put his hand on my hair so gently I had to look up surprised. "You're going to be beautiful and I don't want no sex-crazy young boy spoiling you, hear?"
    I nodded, too shocked to speak. He thought a moment and then nodded at his own thoughts.
    "Yes," he said, "I can see where have to take more of a role in your upbringing. Georgia, she's lost to those romantic stories of hers, stories that have got nothing to do with reality. One day soon, you and I will sit down and have a grown-up discussion about what goes on between men and women and what you've got to watch out for when it comes to young men." He almost smiled, his eyes twinkling with a brightness that made him look younger for a moment. "I should know. I was a young man once."
    The near smile left his face quickly.
    "But until then, you walk the straight and narrow, Lillian. Hear?"
    "Yes, Papa."
    "No more side trips with the Thompson boy or any other boy for that matter. Any boy wants to court you right and proper, he comes to see me first. Make that clear to each and every one of them and you won't get into any trouble, Lillian,"
    "I didn't do anything bad, Papa," I said.
    "Maybe not, but if it looks bad, it is bad. That's the way things are and you had better remember it," he said. "Why, in my time if a young woman took a walk into the forest with a man and was unchaperoned, the man had to marry her or she'd be considered spoiled."
    I stared at him a moment. Why was the woman the only one thought spoiled? Why not the man, too? Why was it men could risk such things, but women couldn't? I wondered. And what about the time I had come upon Papa and Darlene Scott during one of our grand barbecues. The memory was still quite vivid, but I dared not mention it even though that remained in my mind as something that didn't just look bad, but was bad.
    "All right," Papa said, "remember, not a word of this to your mother. It will remain a buried secret between you and me."
    "And Emily," I reminded him bitterly.
    "Emily does whatever I tell her to do and always will," he declared. Then he turned around and went to the door. He looked back at me once, his stern face slipping into a quick smile. Just as quickly, he got hold of himself and scowled before leaving me alone to think about the strange thing that had just happened between us. I couldn't wait to go down to tell Eugenia.
     
    Eugenia wasn't having a good, day. Lately, she was relying more and more on her breathing machines and taking more medicine. Her