Dead and Gone

place, please call me.”
    I knew he meant it kindly, but it sort of emphasized my current manless status. Bill’s house was right across the cemetery from mine, and the way he roamed around at night, I figured he was well aware I wasn’t entertaining company.
    “Thanks, Bill,” I said, making myself smile at him. Clancy just sneered.
    Tray and Amelia came in, and after depositing Amelia at a table, Tray went up to the bar, greeting everyone in the place along the way. Sam came out of his office to join the burly man, who was at least five inches taller than my boss and almost twice as big around. They grinned at each other. Bill and Clancy went on alert.
    The televisions mounted at intervals around the room cut away from the sports event they’d been showing. A series of beeps alerted the bar patrons to the fact that something was happening on-screen. The bar gradually hushed to a few scattered conversations. “Special Report” flashed on the screen, superimposed on a newscaster with clipped, gelled hair and a sternly serious face. In solemn tones he said, “I’m Matthew Harrow. Tonight we bring you a special report. Like newsrooms all across the country, here in Shreveport we have a visitor in the studio.”
    The camera moved away to broaden the picture, and a pretty woman came into view. Her face was slightly familiar. She gave the camera a practiced little wave. She was wearing a sort of muumuu, an odd choice for a television appearance.
    “This is Patricia Crimmins, who moved to Shreveport a few weeks ago. Patty—may I call you Patty?”
    “Actually, it’s Patricia,” the brunette said. She was one of the members of the pack that had been absorbed by Alcide’s, I remembered. She was pretty as a picture, and the part of her not swathed in the muumuu looked fit and toned. She smiled at Matthew Harrow. “I’m here tonight as the representative of a people who have lived among you for many years. Since the vampires have been so successful out in the open, we’ve decided the time’s come for us to tell you about ourselves. After all, vampires are dead. They’re not even human. But we’re regular people just like you-all, with a difference.” Sam turned the volume up. People in the bar began to swivel in their seats to see what was happening.
    The newsman’s smile had gotten as rigid as a smile could be, and he was visibly nervous. “How interesting, Patricia! What—what are you?”
    “Thanks for asking, Matthew! I’m a werewolf.” Patricia had her hands clasped around her knee. Her legs were crossed. She looked perky enough to sell used cars. Alcide had made a good choice. Plus, if someone killed her right away, well . . . she was the new girl.
    By now Merlotte’s was silent as the word went from table to table. Bill and Clancy had risen to stand by the bar. I realized now that they were there to keep the peace if they were needed; Sam must have asked them to come in. Tray began unbuttoning his shirt. Sam was wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt, and he pulled it over his head.
    “You’re saying you turn into a wolf at the full moon?” Matthew Harrow quavered, trying hard to keep his smile level and his face simply interested. He didn’t succeed very well.
    “And at other times,” Patricia explained. “During the full moon, most of us have to turn, but if we’re pure-blooded wereanimals, we can change at other times as well. There are many kinds of wereanimals, but I turn into a wolf. We’re the more numerous of all the two-natured. Now I’m going to show you-all what an amazing process this is. Don’t be scared. I’ll be fine.” She shucked her shoes, but not the muumuu. I suddenly understood she’d worn it so she wouldn’t have to undress on camera. Patricia knelt on the floor, smiled at the camera one last time, and began to contort. The air around her shivered with the magic of it, and everyone in Merlotte’s went “Ooooooo” in unison.
    Right after Patricia committed herself to the change on the television screen, Sam and Tray did, too, right then and there. They’d worn underthings they didn’t mind ripping to shreds. Everyone in Merlotte’s was torn between watching the pretty woman change into a creature with long white teeth, and the spectacle of two people they knew doing the same. There were exclamations all over the bar, most of them not repeatable in polite society. Jason’s date, Michele Schubert, actually stood up to get a better view.
    I was so proud of